Anime GrudgeMatch 2003
by DarkFlame136
Summary: ever wonder what would happen if one character could vent their spleen about how much another gets on their nerves? here's one rendition, and nothing's between the contenders besides a lenient referee and the air that one won't breath for much longer.
1. Prologue: First Victims Revealed

Hello, everyone. this is your neighborhood friendly arthoress again. believe it or not, folks, i've come up with yet another scheme. This time, though, it's all about the fights that you DIDN'T see during the show. What am i babbling about? to tell the truth, this is going to be one of those fanficks with our dear heroes and villains slugging it out in an arena. However, there is one major difference...and with a little luck i can pull it off.   
  
Either way, i wanna thank Magicman/Smokegirl for this one, as well as Celebrity Deathmatch. I got the idea from their Esca ring-side fick (which i still need to finish reading -_-;;) and the MTV show, but, like i said, it's a bit different. So, please, don't kill me.  
  
DarkFlame136  
  
Oh, and before i forget:  
  
DISCLAIMER: If it's on TV, i probably don't own it, but all the other characters are my own. that goes for all the other rounds, too. I used the characters from my YYH fanfic, though some may not end up in it. Don't worry, i'll get back to that and my other story soon. *Sigh* I've got a bought of writer's block on the YYH fic. I hate that...  
  
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First victims: the cast of Inu Yasha  
  
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Mitsuno was seated in a very dark room, lit only by candles of black flame. In front of her was a giant movie screen. Now playing: the Four Hooded Elders. Only this was no ordinary movie. This was the place where she and her team received their orders.  
  
DarkFlame, presumably the leader of the Elders, was sitting across from her. She had just finished explaining this new assignment.  
  
"So let me get this straight--you want me and my team to host some kind of...tournament?"  
  
"Not just any tournament, Mitsuno," DarkFlame said, flashing a knowing smile. She had taken off her hood a while ago; something about it being to damn hot in the robe to begin with. Mitsuno didn't mind that it was a bit warm. Fire Elementals loved heat.  
  
DarkFlame continued. "This is a chance for those with vendettas to finally do what the producers have thus far prevented: beat the hell out of that one person who always gets on their nerves."  
  
The Fire Elemental smiled as well. "I like. And I know everyone else loves grudge matches. I'm sure I can find something for all of us to do."  
  
"Glad you approve, Mitsuno. Here is your first group," she rummaged through the folds of the enormous robe. "If I can find the bloody sheet. Oh, to hell with it," DarkFlame simply cast-off the cumbersome garment. It happened to land on a group of candles, and immediately burst into flames.  
  
She ignored the burning robe, instead trying to find the piece of paper with the information. "Ah, now I remember where I put it!" Reaching for her right boot, she opened up the side-pocket and pulled out a sheet of black notebook paper.  
  
Mitsuno raised an eyebrow at the other's Gothic outfit, especially the knee-high midnight boots and the blood red corset. "I want that getup!"  
  
"Um...tell you what. Do a good job on this and you can borrow it."  
  
"YAY! Mitsuno squealed, taking the folded sheet. "Ooh, silver pen!"  
  
"Naturally."  
  
It didn't take long to read what was written. "Hmn..." she thought for a moment. "Inu Yasha, neh? How much free reign do I have in this?" an evil smile crossed her face.  
  
"Infinite, as long as you neither kill the cast nor interfere with any of the fights. You may add one, if you wish, especially if it's requested."  
  
Mitsuno pouted. "That's not infinite!"   
  
DarkFlame didn't budge. "Considering I'm the author, you're lucky to get THAT!"  
  
*Sigh* "Whatever floats your boat." Pocketing the sheet, she gave a salute before disappearing in a blaze of fire.  
  
DarkFlame sighed. "That one always did like making both an entrance and an exit. One of you--" she gestured absently behind her to the screen, "--make sure that the custodian paints over scorch marks on the door, and the fresh ones on the ceiling!"  
  
"At once, Mistress," one of the hooded figures answered.  
  
A loud CRASH!!! sounded to her left. That would be the wall caving in from fire damage. 'Cheap sets' she thought with a sigh. Not even bothering to look, she got up and headed out of the room. On second thought, she didn't immediately head out. Not before giving one last order, anyway.  
  
"If any of you have time to spare, make sure that fire's put out, too."  
  
Right when she finished, one of the four on the screen appeared out of nowhere with a bucket of water. Though he managed to put out half of the fire, the other half caught on his own robe.  
  
"OMG!!! MISTRESS!!!"  
  
DarkFlame came back in with a giant pretzel. **munch munch** "Yeah? Um...you know you're on fire, right?"  
  
"YYYEEEAAAHHHHH!!!" by this time, the flames had spread over his entire body, mainly because he was running wildly around the room. Everything he passed caught on fire as well, including her favorite chair.  
  
Sighing out loud this time, DarkFlame finished her pretzel and grabbed the fire extinguisher.  
  
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see, told you it was different! i have six rounds already, but i'll take request fights if anyone gives them and Mitsuno likes them, too.   
  
Mitsuno: I'm sure we can work something out. No Naraku ones, though. I've got plans for THAT one, that i do...  
  
DarkFlame: *sighs* remember what i said--no killing cast members outside of the ring.  
  
RrCFW everyone (review, request, comment, flame, whatever. it's all good here) 


	2. Pre match Issues

::small note--the dialogue switches from novel to script style when things really get started. just thought i'd mention it so no one would think i've lost what's left of my mind. not that its possible to lose what you don't have to begin with ... and keep in mind that the writing inside the stars is kinda like stage directions.::  
  
::btw, as Uncle would say, "one more thing!" They may be subtle, but there are spoilers, so please don't flame me about ruining the story for you, since i've just warned you. i also get virtually everyone and their mother in this fic, so don't think i'm just ragging on one poor, defenseless character.  
  
Inuyasha: "Hey! I can take you anytime, anywhere!"  
  
DarkFlame: "Only in your dreams, hon." *types something*  
  
Inuyasha: *suddenly in a diaper with Sesame Street characters* "What the hell?! AHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
DarkFlame: "In this world, you shall bow down and address me as Master."  
  
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Inside a brightly lit all-weather stadium, last-minute ticket buyers are busy looking for their seats amid the crowd. It looks as if it's a full house, with patrons crowding both the aisles and the vendors. A somewhat smaller line is assembled at the bathrooms; whether because they wish to see the new design or because they had a two-liter on the way over is unclear and unimportant. The noise level, though, is that of an energetic crowd who knows its in for a good show.   
  
Mitsuno, always one to deliver, is mingling with the crowd. Ok, fine, she's trying to bum an aspirin or IBu profen off of someone.  
  
"Too much damn noise," she mutters, thanking the priest who hands her some type of tea that's supposed to cure headaches. She walks down the stairs to the commentator's box, which has its own coffee maker.  
  
On the way, she runs into Rashim and Shalmar.   
  
Shalmar is the first to notice the herbs. "You gonna smoke that?"   
  
"Yes, Shalmar, I was looking for my pipe just now," she rolls her eyes.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Rashim laughs, "there should be some hot water left. Sairen's making mucho dinero off of that tea booth she set up at The Box."  
  
"Say WHAT?" Mitsuno doesn't sound too happy. "The show starts in around ten! The Box is not some kind of café!"  
  
"Sure sounds like one," the Earth Elementals mutter while she rushes over to see just what the devil her co-host is up to.  
  
As prophesied, there's a rather large line of medieval folks at The Box. Wading through the crowd, she manages to get to the back entrance, where she finds Sairen, Dairen, and Saiyan serving customers.  
  
She sighs. "Do I even want to know what wild muse inspired you this time, Sairen?"  
  
"Here you go, sir," she was with a customer. Then she turned. "One of the monks here came by asking if we had a drink stand that served tea. I didn't wanna disappoint the guy, so I just made one!"  
  
"And, like all faithful customers, he spread the word," Dairen added.  
  
"So that would explain the queue around The Box," Mitsuno helped herself and made her own cup of tea.  
  
One of the customers noticed. "How come she doesn't have to pay?"  
  
Mitsuno eyed him, causing him to back up a little. "Because I work here, dear."  
  
Saiyan took the payment from the man that spoke. "She's the host/commentator. And a Fire Elemental, so don't do anything we would!"  
  
Sairen made as sound, just remembering something. "That's right! You and Dairen have a job, too."  
  
"We know. Saiyan's part of security--"  
  
"--and Dairen's the referee."  
  
"You made DAIREN the ref?" Sairen almost drops the tea she's carrying. "What the hell were you THINKING?!?"  
  
"Hey, he wanted to, OK?" Mitsuno makes a few cups for the customers to help move things along.  
  
"But Saiyan's his better half! Don't you think he'd be a bit less lenient of a referee?"  
  
Saiyan sighed. "That's the whole point, Sairen. People are more afraid of him than they are of me so no one will try anything funny."  
  
"Little do they know," Dairen laughed knowingly, "I think I'm HIS better half!"  
  
By this time, everyone has been served. Sairen's still a little worried.  
  
"Dairen, are you positive that you can handle being ref? I mean, you aren't exactly against massive blood shed..."  
  
Dairen flashes a smile, showing off his fangs. "Sairen, dearest--you just worry about being announcer and let us handle this. We'll switch off every now and then, if it makes you feel better."  
  
"You just better not grab a snack in the middle of a fight," she warns before kicking them out of The Box.  
  
"Oh, very well," he sighs, he and his twin (yup, there's two sets of 'em) going in the opposite directions--him towards the center of the arena, and Saiyan to the demon side of the audience. Shalmar's handling the human side, while Rashim's taking care of sound.   
  
Everyone is in place. Well, except the audience; there's still quite a few people running about.  
  
"Ok, everyone; the fight's about to start. Please take your places so no one gets hurt when we shut off the lights in the seating area!"  
  
The humans obey easily enough. Unfortunately, the other half of the audience are demons of every shape and form with only one thing in common: none would sit down and shut up.  
  
Mitsuno sighs. "I don't think you heard me the first time--"  
  
"We didn't feel like listening!" That statement brings a loud cheer from the other demons. However, it is quickly drowned out by the speaker's death screams.   
  
"AAAAARRRGGGGG *ack*" these are cut off abruptly as Saiyan finishes ripping out the demon's throat. No one dares to make a sound.  
  
The VIP whistles. "Now that's what I call security!"  
  
Licking the blood off his fingers, Dairen's twin brother winks in his direction.  
  
"I guess Dairen really IS the nice one," Sairen breathes.  
  
O.o;;; "...Ok...." a freaked out Mitsuno mutters. "Allright, everyone, let's get this started!!!"  
  
Dead silence.  
  
*sigh* "You can cheer now, people!"  
  
"YAHOO!!!"  
  
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this was originally part of the first round, but i decided to break it up, since it was kinda on the long side. can anyone guess who the VIP is? before you read Round I, send in the guess with the review; i'm wondering how many people will get it. here's a hint: he's part of the cast and plays a major role. and he ain't human. 


	3. Round I: Kikyo vs Kagome

~*~Round I: Kikyo vs. Kagome~*~  
  
Satisfied that the audience was neither in fear for their lives nor going to cause any more trouble, she continues.  
  
Mitsuno: "Konnichiwa, peoples, y bienvenidos a la programa Anime GrudgeMatch 2003! I'm your host/commentator, Mitsuno!"  
  
Sairen: "Ciao, everybody! Je'mevel Sairen, the kwaii co-host/co-commentator!"  
  
VIP: O.O "Do you have any idea how many languages you just mixed up?"  
  
(DarkFlame: *at her keyboard typing* "hehe, i LOVE doing that! i just hope i spelled everything right, lol!")  
  
Sairen: "We cater to all of our audiences, hon."  
  
Mitsuno: "As you can probably tell, the crowd for this one's quite diverse...in a feudal Japan sort of way."  
  
Sairen: "That it is, Mitsuno, that it is. And let's not forget those demons who found their way out of the blackest pits of hell just to come see the cast of Inu Yasha rip each other to pieces!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Speaking of hell, let's find out who our guest is, shall we?"  
  
VIP: "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Sairen: "Nothing; besides the fact that we all expect to see you there some time soon"  
  
Mitsuno: "Sairen!"  
  
Sairen: "What? After everything he's done I wanna kick his ass!"  
  
Mitsuno: *runs hand through hair* "I am very well aware of his reputation as a conniving bastard--"  
  
VIP: "Ok, that was just low."  
  
Mitsuno: *talks right over him* "--but, for some sick reason, you're one of Dairen and Saiyans' heroes. Ladies and gents, the villain who we love to hate--or hate to love, if you're a demon-- NARAKU!"  
  
Sairen: "Welcome to the show, bitch!"  
  
Naraku: *eye twitch* "Do you have any idea of the pain I can inflict upon you, woman?"  
  
Sairen: "I'm an Elemental, one of the most feared apparitions in this time. What can you POSSIBLY do to me that I can't do ten times more painfully to you?"  
  
Naraku: *annoyed yet intrigued* "Wanna find out? Ring's right over there, my dear."  
  
Mitsuno: "Hey, hey! Remember the deal--"  
  
Sairen: "Yeah, yeah, no slaughtering the cast. So let's introduce our first fight so they can start doing the job for us!"  
  
*Audience cheers*  
  
Naraku: "You know, for an annoying co-host, I like the way you think."  
  
Mitsuno: "Obviously, our fighters aren't the only ones with grudges."  
  
*Naraku and Sairen stare each other down*  
  
Mitsuno: *just ignores them* "Despite practically being the same person, these two mikos are duking it out over the same guy."  
  
Sairen: *sticks her tongue out at Naraku*   
  
Naraku: *raises an eyebrow* " 'that an offer?"  
  
Mitsuno: O.o  
  
Sairen: -_-;; "Entering on the left, she's the first warden of both the Shikon jewel and Inuyasha's heart and she does not like sharing either one. Let's hear it for Kikyo!"  
  
*The priestess enters the arena to the tune "Living Dead Girl" in her usual outfit, complete with a bow and full quiver. Apparently, neither demons nor humans take to her well, judging by her not-so-warm welcome. Kikyo fires a few arrows into the demon side of the crowd; a few bright balls of pink light flash for a second. Suddenly, there are a dozen or so empty seats.*  
  
Sairen: "Wow, those were direct hits! Hopefully the challenger can deal with this better than her first targets."  
  
Mitsuno: "Coming from a different time, she picked up where Kikyo left off after her death, and plans on collecting and mending the shards of the Jewel of Four Souls and Inuyasha's heart while she's at it."  
  
Naraku: "My, aren't we getting poetic." *rolls eyes*  
  
Mitsuno: ^____________^ "Playing hooky to fight demons, give it up for the reincarnated Kikyo--aka: Kagome!"  
  
*With "Do You Think I'm a Whore?" in the background, Kagome enters waving to the crowd in her usual school uniform; like Kikyo, she has a bow and arrow as well. Unlike Kikyo, who looks as cold as ever, the guys especially take to her.*  
  
Kagome: *nervous laughter* "Um...hi, everyone."  
  
Naraku: "Interesting. Why does neither girl have any of the shards of the Shikon jewel on them?"  
  
Sairen: *tsch* "Some of us don't need an outside power source."  
  
Mitsuno: "Oh, dear. I love them both--who do I root for?"  
  
Naraku: "Who ever's winning?"  
  
Sairen: *raises eyebrow* "I thought you had the hots for Kikyo? You practically lost your humanity for her and the jewel!"  
  
Naraku: *on the defensive* "First of all, I desire the jewel--"  
  
Sairen: "Rrrriiiiiitttttteeeeee...."  
  
Naraku: "SECONDLY, I wanted to be rid of that useless body anyway! Onigama was a weakling compared to this form!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Alrighty, enough chitchat. Dairen, we're turning this over to you."  
  
Dairen: *staring at Kikyo for a very long time*  
  
Kikyo: *coldly* "May I help you, demon?"  
  
Dairen: *still staring* "Vampire. You're dead, aren't you?"  
  
Kikyo: "I live as you do."  
  
Kagome: "What? I thought you stole souls, not blood!"  
  
Kikyo: "At least I don't steal boyfriends!"  
  
Sairen: "Ge-row-ell!"  
  
Mitsuno: "More like me-ow! This is going to be one hell of a cat fight!"  
  
Dairen: "Ok, ladies. No sniping at anyone outside the ring, no matter how much of a pain in the ass they are!"  
  
Kikyo and Kagome: "Damn!" *both lower the arrows they had fixed on Naraku*  
  
Naraku: *sighs with obvious relief*  
  
Dairen: "Also, this isn't a timed fight, but try not to take all night. And no calling down lightning, either, or raising the dead, we've got enough on our hands with the demon side of the crowd as it is, and I sure as hell ain't chasing down no dead people! No other forms of cheating, blah, blah, blah...shoot to kill, sweetheart!"  
  
Kagome: *eyes Kikyo* "What about Sudden Death moves?"  
  
Dairen: "It's all good. I guess....Mitsu?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Whatever. It's your ring, Dairen."  
  
Dairen: "Damn straight! Oh, no decapitation or drawing and quartering. It makes us vampire types kinda nervous."  
  
*Kikyo casts an absolutely vicious glance at Kagome out the corner of her eye with a smile to match*  
  
Kagome: "Eep!" *Hides behind Dairen*  
  
Dairen: "What the hell?"  
  
Kikyo: *draws back bowstring* "Silly girl. I can shoot right through him and peg you!"  
  
Dairen: "You most certainly will not!" *teleports to other side of ring, leaving Kagome totally exposed*  
  
Nightcrawler: *in audience* "Biter! He stole my move!"  
  
Sairen: "That might have been a close one for our ref, but Kagome won't be getting off that easily!"  
  
Kagome: *backing up* "Kikyo, can't we just discuss this? I mean, it's not my fault Naraku turned you and Inuyasha against each other--"  
  
Kikyo: *advances* "That's not the point! Inuyasha is and always will be mine and mine alone. DIE!!!"  
  
*Kikyo fires a few rounds in Kagome's direction*  
  
Naraku: "My, my. She's certainly got a lot of spirit for a dead woman."  
  
*in the front row*  
  
Sango: "Inuyasha. You're just going to let her go after Kagome like that?"  
  
Inuyasha: *worried expression* "It's not like I can jump in for either of them!"  
  
Shippou: "Kagome can take care of herself, you'll see!"  
  
Miroku: "All we can do is sit back and enjoy the show."   
  
*Sango notices that he's enjoying it a little TOO much*  
  
Sango: *whacks Miroku on head with boomerang* "Only you can have a dirty mind at a time like this!"  
  
Miroku: *rubs head* "What? They're both the same beautiful--I mean, they're both the same person, so would it make sense to support one and not the other?"  
  
Sango: "You have a point. But QUIT STARING LIKE THAT, HENTAI" *she hits him again*  
  
Miroku: @_@  
  
*in The Box*  
  
Mitsuno: *sighs in exasperation* "Is there any particular reason why Kagome's just running around the ring while Kikyo's keeps firing after her like a madwoman?"  
  
Naraku: "Ever get hit with one of those enchanted arrows? It hurts like hell."  
  
Sairen: *jumps out of The Box and onto the edge of the front* "KAGOME!! DO SOMETHING, ALREADY! DAIREN LOOKS ABOUT TWO SECONDS FROM NEEDING ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS!!!!"  
  
Dairen: *dodging arrows as frantically as Kagome* "GODS, WOMAN, WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU AIMING AT?!?!"  
  
Kikyo: *still firing* "Kagome! You can't run forever!"  
  
*A stray arrow catches one of the demons in the forehead. it immediately disintegrates with a scream. apparently, this isn't the first casualty, and both sides of the room--human and demon alike--are yelling and scattering like crazy, tripping over the corpses of the unfortunate humans who didn't move out of the way in time*  
  
Mitsuno: "And apparently neither can the audience. Kikyo, we may end up disqualifying you if you keep picking off the spectators."  
  
Kikyo: "To hell with the match. I've waited too long for this!"  
  
*She reaches back for another arrow. And reaches. And reaches.*  
  
Kikyo: "Dammit!"  
  
Dairen: *On knees offering a silent prayer of thanks*  
  
Kagome: "Ha! My plan worked!"  
  
Mitsuno, Sairen, Naraku, & Kikyo: "WHAT?"  
  
Dairen: "You call running around like a chicken who's lost its damn head a plan?!"  
  
Kagome: "She had to run out of arrows sometime!"  
  
Naraku: "Clever little wench, isn't she?"  
  
Mitsuno: -_p "What's that, Naraku?" *jumps him in a flurry of fists*  
  
Sairen: *moves to get out of the way* "Um...which fight do I comment on?"  
  
Dairen: "Beats me. There's no ref for that one, so it's not like it's official or anything."  
  
*A chair flies out of The Box, smacking Dairen in the head, knocking him out*  
  
Saiyan: "Dairen!"  
  
Shalmar: "That's gonna leave a mark and a headache."  
  
Rashim: *scoffs* "Can't be too much worse than a hangover. We'll just tell him he passed out after too many margaritas."  
  
Shalmar: *jumps in ring* "Sounds like a plan to me." *draggs an unconscious Dairen out*  
  
Sairen: "Ok, that's REALLY bad. Without a ref, our main fight isn't official, either!"  
  
*Kagome eyes the chair, then looks at Kikyo, who's watching Mitsuno beat the crap out of Naraku*  
  
Kagome: "This fight's not official, either, neh?"  
  
Inuyasha: *on the edge of his own seat* "She ain't gonna...KIKYO!!!"  
  
Kikyo: *startled* "Inuyasha!"  
  
Kagome: *rushes at her with chair* "Now it's MY turn!"  
  
WHAM!!!  
  
Sairen: "Ouch! This match just went WWF on us! Kagome, realizing that an unofficial match is virtually a free-for-all, picks up the chair that brought down Dairen and repeats history!"  
  
Kikyo: "ARGH! YOU LITTLE BITCH!"  
  
Kagome: "What? You're supposed to be knocked out!"  
  
Kikyo: "I'm also supposed to be dead!" *leaps at Kagome with an inhuman yell*  
  
"YYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome: "Yikes! Ok, Kagome, Inuyasha can't save you this time. Wait, this match doesn't count! INUYASHA!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Hell no! I ain't getting slaughtered!"  
  
Sairen: "Oh, that reminds me. Mitsuno! Whatever you're about to do, don't do it!"  
  
Mitsuno: *powering up* "What? Oh. Damn it all!" *gets off of Naraku*  
  
Naraku: (( @_@ )) *clothes smoking, putting out tiny fires on shirt* "You could have told me she was a Fire Witch!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Elemental, dearie. How are the mikos doing?" *blinks* "Where's Dairen?"  
  
Naraku: *gets up, dusting himself off* "And why does Kagome have a chair?"  
  
Mitsuno: "If it has anything to do with why Kikyo has one of those giant anime bumps on her head, something tells me we missed the turning point of this fight!"  
  
Sairen: *returns to seat* "That you did. The chair one of you threw in a blind rage ended up putting Dairen in a temporary coma. Kagome proved herself worthy when she figured out that HER battle isn't official without a ref, and put the chair to a good use."  
  
Naraku: "That explains why Kikyo's swinging Kagome by the hair."  
  
Kagome: "WAAAAHHHHH!!! I'M GONNA PUKE!!!"  
  
*Kikyo, not wanting any additional color added to her outfit, promptly lets go*  
  
Kagome: "I DIDN'T MEAN LET GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
Sairen: "Wow, what a throw! That should qualify her for the Olympics! Judges..."  
  
*A panel of five Olympic judges whisper among themselves for a moment. Then they hold up various scores*  
  
Judge 1: 9.3  
  
Judge 2: 8.9  
  
Judge 3: 9.0  
  
Judge 4: 9.3  
  
Judge 5: *holds out on score* "Wait a sec..." *along with the rest of the audience, he follows Kagome's flight path with his eyes*  
  
CRASH!!!  
  
Inuyasha and Kouga: "KAGOME!!!" *both run off in her direction*  
  
Miroku: "Damn. That's some arm!"  
  
Sango: *smug* "I can throw farther than that AND make a bigger hole in the wall!"  
  
*Sure 'nuff, there's a not-so-big ass hole in the wall behind the human side of the audience. Just as well, since the lesser demons would have taken it upon themselves to finish the job*  
  
Judge 6: "I have to agree with the demon slayer. However, she shows great potential." 9.4  
  
Mitsuno: "With a total score of..." *Counts on fingers* "...carry the one...45.9, I think she just might see the Olympics after all!"  
  
Kikyo: "YES!" *jumps triumphantly in air, kicking up her feet*  
  
Naraku: "If she can live through this fight. Looks like Kagome's back in action!"  
  
Kagome: *climbs back in through hole* "Ouch! That really hurt, you know!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Kagome!"  
  
Kouga: "Are you all right?" *shoves Inuyasha aside* "Move it, dog face!"  
  
Kagome: "Kouga!" *coldly* "Inuyasha."  
  
Inuyasha: *rubs back of head* "Why you--!"  
  
Kouga: *keeps Inuyasha at bay with one foot* "Here, let me help you, Kagome."  
  
Kagome: *blushing* "Umm...thank you. You're so much nicer than that other guy. What's his name again?"  
  
Inuyasha: *from under Kouga's foot* "Haha. So NOT funny!"  
  
Kagome: "Well, if you're gonna support Kikyo, I can have someone there for ME! I'm going to finish this, no matter what you say!"  
  
*Kouga carries Kagome back down to the ring, walking right over Inuyasha*  
  
Inuyasha: "Son of a--" *pulls out Tetsuaiga*  
  
Kagome: "SIT, BOY!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Woah!" *falls through the floor, leaving another decent-sized hole*  
  
Sairen: "Wish I could do that."  
  
Mitsuno: "It certainly does come in handy."  
  
Naraku: -_-o  
  
*Kouga drops Kagome off outside the ring*  
  
Kouga: "Knock her dead--er, back to life." *he kisses her on the cheek, making her turn an interesting shade of red*  
  
Human side of audience: "AWWWW!!!"  
  
Demon side of audience: "YEEEEEEECCHHH!!!!" *various gagging noises in between*  
  
Naraku: "Oh, please, can we lose the fluff and get on with the fighting?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Gotta admit, I've yet to see any bloodshed besides me breaking your nose!"  
  
Naraku: *fingers nose* "Go to hell, Mitsuno!"  
  
Mitsuno: "That ain't a bad idea. I need to work on my tan, anyway."  
  
Naraku: "Then go someplace a lot colder so you come back with frostbite!"  
  
*Inuyasha climbs out of his hole (hehe, take that as you will--NOT the perverted way, mind you!) just in time to see Kouga make a move on Kagome*  
  
Inuyasha: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
Kouga: "Giving MY woman a kiss for luck."  
  
Inuyasha: *growls* "I was going to kick your ass in the next match, but I think I'll just do it now! Iron Reaper--"  
  
*before he can finish the attack, Saiyan binds him with a lunar spell*  
  
Inuyasha: *tied up in some kind of glowing thread* "Dammit!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Saiyan! I thought you needed a strand of his hair for that spell?"  
  
Saiyan: *shrugs* "I do. He sheds enough, so it wasn't that tough."  
  
Inuyasha: "Say that to my face, blondie!"  
  
Saiyan: *thinks for a moment* "Umm...no."  
  
*walks away while Inuyasha curses his name ten times over*  
  
Naraku: "Where can I learn that?"  
  
Sairen: "Probably nowhere, unless you're part of their clan. Which your not, so don't bother."  
  
Naraku: XO  
  
*Mitsuno turns around in time to see Kagome catch something from Miroku and Kikyo walk away from someone on the outside of the ring. The latter has a hand full of arrows*  
  
Mitsuno: "Hello. Looks like things just got interesting."  
  
Sairen: "Hmn? Oh. Kikyo was restocking on ammo while Kagome and Kouga were busy."  
  
Naraku: "That's a funny way of putting it."  
  
Sairen: *mutters* "Hentai." *louder* "Anyway, Kagome decided to do a little sneaking of her own and ask for one of Miroku's toys."   
  
Naraku: "Good God!"  
  
Sairen: *slaps Naraku the same way Sango hits Miroku* "Not THOSE toys, you nasty buzzard!"  
  
Mitsuno & audience: (( O_O ))  
  
Miroku: *dramatic sigh* "I get no respect."  
  
Rodney Dangerfield: "Join the club!"  
  
Naraku: "Where'd he come from?"  
  
Sairen: "Who cares! Kagome's about to reveal what she's been up to!"  
  
Kikyo: "Welcome back."  
  
Kagome: "Thank you." *plays with something behind her back*  
  
Kikyo: "Your welcome. Now to finish you off and reclaim the rest of your spirit. Not that's it wasn't mine to begin with, given that you're my reincarnation, but let's not get technical."  
  
Sairen: "Please. That could last all night."  
  
Naraku: "Kikyo has loaded her bow and draws the string back. Kagome looks a little tired herself, so there's no telling how long she can dodge this time!"  
  
Audience: "OH, PLEASE, NOT THAT AGAIN!!!!" *everyone ducks and covers*  
  
Sairen: "Ye."  
  
Mitsuno: "gods."   
  
Sairen and Mitsuno: "-_-;;  
  
Sairen: "At least Dairen's safe."  
  
Mitsuno: "But what about us?"  
  
Naraku: "I'd be a bit more worried about Kikyo right now. I think I recognize what that is in her hand."  
  
Sairen: "Don't give it away! I know what it is, too, and it's a good thing King Yama from the cast of Yu-Yu Hakusho isn't our VIP tonight. He's go postal!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Um, Sairen, if Dairen was still awake, none of this would have happened to begin with!"  
  
Sairen: *waves her hand* "Details, details..."  
  
Naraku: "Shh! I'm trying to see if she can pull this off!"  
  
*Kikyo fires an arrow; then a second, then a third, all within less than a second of each other. Kagome, however, manages to dodge all of them. The usual screams of the dying follow*  
  
Naraku: "Ahh...music to my ears."  
  
Sairen: "As they always say, though, it ain't over until the fat lady sings!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Kagome has stopped dodging while Kikyo reloads, yet she's still on her toes!"  
  
Kikyo: "Not for too much longer!"   
  
Kagome: "You're right about one thing--" *reveals a round object* "That fat lady's gonna be singing all right, but this song's dedicated to YOU!"  
  
Mitsuno: *nods approvingly* "That was pretty clever."  
  
Sairen: "So's her next move. Watch the glowing ball everyone!"  
  
*The dark sphere in her hand glows with a green light before turning pink/white*  
  
*Yusuke Urameshi, who's been paying more attention to Kikyo before now, recognizes the ball, too*  
  
Yusuke: *sits up* "What the hell? I thought the Orb of Baast was back in Spirit World?"  
  
Hiei: "Guess not."  
  
Kikyo: *a smug look on her face* "If you think I'm going to fetch that, you've got another thing coming!"  
  
Kagome: "Nope. But those souls inside you are attracted to it!"  
  
Kikyo: "Wha--what's going on?" *she starts glowing with a white light*  
  
Naraku: "All of the souls that she's 'borrowed', par se, are going inside that orb--"  
  
Mitsuno: "--which means that Kikyo's losing power."  
  
*the audience "Oohs" and "Aahs" as a number of souls shoot out of Kikyo's body and into the orb*  
  
Kikyo: "NNNOOOOO!!!" *drops her weapon and falls to the floor*  
  
*Kagome 'turns off' the Orb of Baast (don't ask how, lol) and walks over to Kikyo's unmoving form*  
  
Kagome: "She's still alive. Well, she's not an empty shell, anyway. I only drained her enough to stop her."  
  
Naraku: "Good girl. Now finish the job!"  
  
*Sairen smashes Naraku across the head*  
  
Sairen: "Just ignore him."  
  
Mitsuno: "There you have it, folks! The winner of this now-unofficial fight--KAGOME!!"  
  
Kagome: "All RIGHT!" *jumps around like a cheerleader (looks like one, too, with that uniform)*  
  
*cheers from both sides of the audience*  
  
Sairen: "I guess the demons just liked the pretty lights!"  
  
*meanwhile, Hiei and Yusuke make their way to the seats reserved for the Inu Yasha cast*  
  
Kagome: *hands orb to Miroku* "Thanks a lot, Miroku. That really helped out."  
  
Miroku: *puts orb in robe somewhere* "It's something I picked up at a temple Yard Sale."  
  
Hiei: "A likely story."  
  
Miroku: "Huh? What?" *grabs staff* "Who are you?"  
  
Yusuke: "Neighborhood friendly Spirit Detective. That little trinket you've got there belongs to my boss's boss."  
  
Kagome: "Really? Miroku!"  
  
Miroku: "I didn't steal it! I don't even know these guys!"  
  
*Kurama comes over*  
  
Kurama: "He's right. Keep in mind that they're not from our time."  
  
Yusuke: "So?"  
  
Hiei: "Oh, I forgot about that."  
  
Yusuke: *frustrated* "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
Hiei: "The Orb of Baast is pretty old, so it must exist in their time as well. The one he has is from feudal Japan, not King Yama's collection."  
  
Yusuke: "So...it's two copies of the same thing, one older than the other."  
  
Miroku: "Fascinating." *looks at orb* "What would happen if both copies were in the same place at the same time?"  
  
*|Kid from Card Captors that always has an explanation pops out of nowhere (his name's Zachary, right?)|*  
  
Zachary: *has finger in the air* "That's an easy one. A giant rip would appear in the space-time continuum, sucking everything around it inside and spitting it out in another dimension."  
  
Miroku: "In other words, my wind tunnel would suck everything up?" *nervously fingers rosary beads on right hand*  
  
Mitsuno: "Hey, what's on the other side of that, anyway?"  
  
Sairen: "I dunno. Where does it all go?"  
  
*both look at Naraku*  
  
Naraku: *shrugs* "For all I know, everything sucked in ends up on Altair 4."  
  
Mitsuno: " 'Last night and the night before--' "  
  
Sairen: " 'Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers knocking at my door.' "  
  
Naraku: " 'I want to go out, don't know if I can--' "  
  
All three: " ' 'cause I'm so afraid of the Tommyknocker Man!' "  
  
Mitsuno: "Stay tuned for our next match, when Inuyasha makes good on his word!"  
  
Sairen: "See you in a few!"  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
C'mon, people, you know you loved that Stephen King moment! So far, that's my favorite book by him.   
  
I had no idea this would end up this long, either. If i get enough reviews (around six is good 'nuff), I'll keep going. And tell me the truth about whether or not you like it, and if I need to make any changes; this includes any character errors or whatnot. I haven't seen the entire series yet, so let me know if i get something wrong or mixed-up. 


	4. Round II: Inuyasha vs Kouga

Ok. Remember what i said about reviews earlier? FORGETS IT!!! I wanna finish posting this (and tyiping it, while we're at it). Don't get me wrong, i still want reviews. In face, i DEMAND you review!!!!  
  
You know, it's been so long since i've seen Card Captors that i really COULDN'T remember the name of that boy who always makes up stories that sound true, and then his cousin drags him off. i'll get around to looking it up sometime. ...k, looked it up. his name's Zachary, right? i didn't see a picture of him, but it rings a bell. eh, well. here's the second installment! InuArcher--i couldn't have finished this without you! thanks for the review, Ashieyu! (even i have to admit that Kikyo's a bit of a bitch, but i still kinda like her).  
  
  
  
DarkFlame136  
  
Oh, btw: i spell Inuyasha's name a little differently when he "loses his humanity", so to speak.  
  
*~Round II: Inuyasha vs. Kouga~*   
  
*For some odd reason, the arena has turned into an LA/NY-type club, complete with disco-style floor, neon lights, a DJ and two full bars to accent the other concession stands. Some demons are even a little friendlier than usual, due to the all around party atmosphere and one too many frozen daiquiris. The mango-berry seems quite popular among the Inu types--even Sesshoumaru's been seen with a giant glass topped off with an umbrella. Actually, there has been several sighting of the Demon Lord of the East...sometimes in two places at once. Are the strobe lights and an abundance of "koolaid" responsible, or is something strange going on?*  
  
Sairen, who's been on the dance floor from the start, keeps staring at the pocky line. Naraku, who, somehow or another, has been her dance partner for the majority of the time, finally says something.  
  
"If you're hungry, just say so!"  
  
She looks back at him. "How did you know this song's by OK GO?" (btw, "Get Over It" is currently playing)  
  
He rolls his eyes. 'Good grief, either she's playing around or she really CAN'T hear me too well.'  
  
"Sairen, do you want to get some pocky?"  
  
"Huh, what? Oh, you want a new body? I think that one's fine as it is; if you're tired, though just sit down!"  
  
Naraku stops dancing. "Who said anything about being tired?"  
  
Someone bumps him from behind. Naraku elbows him back.  
  
"Hey! quit shoving!" a tall guy with spiked hair wearing a white outfit with the symbol for "Bad" on the back of his open shirt shouts over his shoulder.  
  
"You started it, mortal."  
  
Sanosuke turns around. "Wanna take this outside, punk?"  
  
"Hmn." In a very Hiei-like gesture, Naraku turns around as if he's not worth the trouble. Then, via his insane speed, he spins around and shoves Sano hard enough to send him flying back into the crowd, mainly into Princess Ayeka.  
  
"How rude!" she pushes him off in another direction.  
  
Ryoko, always the party animal, suddenly shouts those two words any claustrophobic or "moral majority" person dreads to hear.  
  
" M O S H P I T ! ! ! ! ! ! "  
  
Total chaos erupts afterwards; heaven forbid you end up next to something with a lot of spines (aka: Seadra) or a super-strong demon (aka: Toguro).  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
That was the after party from Kikyo and Kagome's match. Tonight, most of the crowd is a bit subdued to begin with, there being more than a few hangovers, broken bones and whatnot. However, the show must go on!  
  
*From The Box*  
  
Mitsuno: *virtually unscathed beside a few broken nails* "Welcome back, everyone. 'glad you could all check out of the hospital to make it back after last night's wild ride."  
  
Naraku: *looks like he's lost some sleep, sporting a black eye* "I have NEVER had a headache like that! No more of these 'after parties' for me!"  
  
Sairen: *looks like she's ready to slap him five centuries into the future despite her own headache* "One must admit, that was QUITE the mosh pit you started!"  
  
Naraku: "ME?! It was the silver-haired witch--"  
  
Sairen: *places hot compress on head* "Whatever."  
  
Mitsuno: "Any excuse to get away, neh?" *sly glance in their direction*  
  
Naraku and Sairen: "WHAT?!?"  
  
Mitsuno: *evil leer* "I saw how close you two were! And you DID leave at the same time--"  
  
Sairen: "Damn your eyes!"  
  
Naraku: "Silence your lying tongue, wench!"  
  
Mitsuno: ~_^   
  
Naraku: "And YOU!" *turns on Sairen* "You still haven't answered my question--why the hell were you staring at the pocky line?"  
  
Sairen: "I thought I saw Sesshoumaru."  
  
Mitsuno: "Yeah, he's quite the hottie..." *starts drooling*  
  
Naraku: "Ewww...."  
  
Sairen: "No, I mean, I thought I saw him twice in the same line!"  
  
Naraku: "So? He loves that stuff."  
  
Sairen: "Enough to put on a different outfit before getting back in line? This is Sesshoumaru we're talking about here!"  
  
Mitsuno: "She's right. Since when does he go for seconds to begin with?"  
  
Naraku: "Hmn..." *shrugs, then winces in pain* "Dammit; I forgot that shoulder was dislocated not too long ago!"  
  
Sairen: *glances curiously at right shoulder, then pokes him without mercy*  
  
Naraku: *various exclamations of pain* "Damn you, woman! OUCH!"  
  
Sairen: ^___^  
  
Mitsuno: *sigh* "Tonight our favorite hanyou gets to work out some long pent-up aggression against one of his comrades."  
  
Sairen: *still poking Naraku* "And to make matters worse--or better, by our standards--Kouga's still trying to win Kagome over!"  
  
Naraku: "Well, he IS the better dancer--that's IT" *turns and bites Sairen*  
  
Sairen: "OUCHIES!!" *examines finger* "Bitch!" *bites him back*  
  
Naraku: "OW!" *releases poison*  
  
Sairen: *gags and runs to brush teeth*  
  
Mitsuno: "Oh, that's just great! Now who's gonna be my co-commentator?"  
  
*Naraku slowly gets up and starts to leave*  
  
Mitsuno: "Not so fast..."  
  
Naraku: "I'm just the VIP!"  
  
Mitsuno: --, _ --, "Siddown."  
  
Naraku: *afraid for his life* "Yes, ma'am."  
  
Mitsuno: "Besides, it's just temporary. She'll be back soon. I guess. Oh, well. Naraku, you introduce the first guy."  
  
Naraku: "Fine." *talks into mike* "He's half-human, half-witted, and half-mad for that human wench from another time despite that he's over fifty years out of her league!"  
  
Mitsuno: -_-;;  
  
Naraku: "Here in a display of male-Inu possessiveness, he's gonna rip out Kouga's heart and eat it for lunch with a side-salad. Inuyasha, get out here and show that wolf who the alpha-male is in this pack!"  
  
Mitsuno: *nods in appreciation* "Not bad. Not bad at all."  
  
Naraku: "I try."  
  
*Inuyasha comes strutting out in time with "Headstrong", sporting a look of absolute confidence.*  
  
Kagome: "Wow. He's really gonna do this, isn't he?"  
  
Sango: "You ARE pretty popular with the guys, Kagome."  
  
*Once in the ring, Inuyasha borrows Dairen's headset*  
  
Dairen: *really DOES have one hell of a hangover* "Oi! What the devil...?"  
  
Inuyasha: "It ain't like you're using it, anyway." *yells into mike on headset* "KOUGA! YOU MIGHT COME RUNNING UP HERE, BUT YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ON A STRETCHER!" *looks right into Kagome's eyes* *a bit softer* "Kagome...this one's for you."  
  
Mitsuno: "Aww...he even dedicated the match!"  
  
Naraku: "..."  
  
Mitsuno: "Despite that wolves prey on the weak, this one's has his work cut-out for him tonight, though he insists that the reward will be well worth it." *mutters* "This guy's a chick-magnet; why can't he just find someone else and let Inuyasha have Kagome?"  
  
Naraku: "Mitsuno, you're mike's still on."  
  
Mitsuno: o.o() "Oopers! Oh, well. C'mon out, Kouga, you sexy bitch!"  
  
*In the entrance to the arena, Kouga raises an eyebrow*  
  
Kouga: *sigh* "Good grief."  
  
*The second Kouga comes out to his song ("Wolves"), he practically gets bum-rushed by a mass of fan girls*  
  
Fangirls: "EEEEE!!!! KOUGA!!!"  
  
Kouga: O.o;;;  
  
Dairen: *sitting cross-legged in the middle of the ring, head in his hands* *full British accent coming out* "Aye! Quit the damn screamin', for crying out loud, I got a headache like a bitch, that I do!"  
  
Mitsuno: "What the hell? Security!"  
  
Naraku: *totally off-topic* "I didn't know he had an accent. Where's it from?"  
  
*Shalmar and Saiyan rush over; the former uses her brother's Chain whip to keep everyone at bay while the latter drags Kouga out of the fray* (DarkFlame136: "Cool, I rhymed!")  
  
*Saiyan unceremoniously deposits the poor wolf-demon inside the ring*  
  
Kouga: (( @_@ ))  
  
Inuyasha: ^______________^ "If he can't handle a bunch of screaming teenage girls, there's no way in hell he can expect to defeat ME!"  
  
*Kouga's eyes stop spinning; glares dangerously at Inuyasha*   
  
Kouga: "Then lose the Tetsuaiga and face me like a true male-Inu, coward!" *suddenly looks apologetic* "Oh, wait, that's right--you're NOT a true Inu, dog-turd!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Fine, stupid wolf, since you're not cool enough to use your stinking weapon, I'll fight you tooth and nail!" *takes off Tetsuaiga* "Um...who can I trust to hold this?"  
  
*One thousand-too-many hands go up in the audience on the demon-side*  
  
Inuyasha: "Yeah, right, do I look like an idiot to you?"  
  
Kouga: "No comment."  
  
*A medium-height girl with wavy blue hair and pale green-blue skin appears in the ring*  
  
Sairen: "I'll be happy to take that off you, Inuyasha. And I can keep Sesshoumaru from getting hold of it!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *narrows eyes and tilts head up* "Hmn." *eats more pocky*  
  
Naraku: "Oh, hell no! Don't give that to HER!"  
  
Mitsuno: *annoyed eye twitch* "Give it a rest, you big chicken--it's not like she can use it, anyway!"  
  
Inuyasha: *ignores everyone* "Aren't you one of the hosts?"  
  
*Sairen does a sweeping bow*   
  
Sairen: "Co-host/commentator, to be exact."  
  
Miroku: *in audience* "She's pretty cute, too."  
  
Sango: -_p  
  
Miroku: "But she's not cuter than you, Sango!" *nervous chuckle*  
  
Sango: *satisfied* "That's what I thought you said."  
  
Inuyasha: "Feh. Here, take it." *hands Tetsuaiga to Sairen, who grins in Naraku's direction*  
  
Naraku: *a little worried, but still looks smug* "That's ok. Like Mitsuno said, she can't use it."  
  
*Sairen takes the sword out of the scabbard, and it ain't the rusty version that emerges*  
  
Sairen: "Sweet!" *swings giant fang around*  
  
Sesshoumaru: *a mixture of surprise, annoyance, and worry* "Doesn't she know that the sword can slay a thousand demons in one swing?"  
  
Jaken: *always the butt-kisser* "Not to fear, Lord Sesshoumaru; there's no way she can figure out how to use it properly if that half-breed cannot!"  
  
SWOOSH!!! a giant wave of destruction spreads out from the sword towards the demon side of the audience.  
  
*various screams and curses of the dying follow*  
  
Sairen: "That is SO cool!"  
  
Naraku: "I'll be damned..." *hides under chair*  
  
Rin: *next to Sesshoumaru* "Haha, Jaken not as smart as he thinks he is! Sairen-sama's Air Elemental; Wind Scar easy to see!"  
  
Jaken: "What? Ha!--I am ten times more intelligent than you will EVER be, girl!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *mutters* "I beg to differ."  
  
*Sairen, in the meantime, skips off with the Tetsuaiga to The Box*  
  
Sairen: "Mitsu, Naraku, lookie what I've got!"  
  
Naraku: O.O  
  
*in the ring, Dairen tries his best to be a ref and deal with his monster hangover at the same time*  
  
Dairen: *still has true accent* "Ok, so I guess you ladies are opting for no weapons other than your own abilities. Oi! Wolf boy--lose the Shitt-on shards!"  
  
Kouga: "That's Shikon, imbecile!" *does a double-take* "How the hell did you know I had any on me?"  
  
Dairen: "I can see riiiiiite through you." *gets up, wincing* And damn, it ain't pretty!"  
  
*Kouga mutters a variety of swears while removing the shards*  
  
Kouga: "Here, take them." *holds out hand with shards*  
  
Dairen: *eyes them warily* "I ain't touchin' THAT!"  
  
Mitsuno: *exasperated sigh* "For crying out loud, you wuss, take the damn shards so we can get ON with it!"  
  
Dairen: "Fine, then, woman." *uses telekinesis to move the shards out of his hand and practically throws them in Mitsuno's face* "YOU hold onto them; the way I'm feeling right now, I'll probably do something I won't regret later."   
  
Mitsuno: -_-o *catches them* "Very well." *mutters* "Ingrate."  
  
Dairen: "Is you two blokes ready?"  
  
*Kouga and Inuyasha both nod*  
  
Dairen: "Good."   
  
*Inuyasha and Kouga take a fighting stance as Dairen gets out of the way. He stops*  
  
Dairen: "One small thing: keep your claws and your teeth to yourselves, mind you. I'd hate to have to bite back. Like the key chain says: " 'Why am I so thirsty now when I drank so much last night?' "  
  
*Both of them stare at him while he disappears to the far side of the ring*  
  
Inuyasha: *to Kouga* "Is he REALLY a vampire?"  
  
Kouga: *to Inuyasha* "He smells strange. Like...like....like something ancient and powerful, yet controlled."  
  
Dairen: "Where I come from, we call it Old Spice." *hops on ropes* "This ain't no dog show, you two, so don't worry about breaking a nail."  
  
*At the snap of his fingers, they attack*  
  
Sairen: "Looks like this might literally be a dogfight, folks. Inuyasha and Kouga have locked arms in one of those wrestling matches of brute strength."  
  
Mitsuno: "But what's this? Kouga appears to be attempting to do-see-do with his opponent!"  
  
Naraku: "No, you idiot, he's trying to unbalance him."  
  
*Sairen gives him a warning poke with the Tetsuaiga*  
  
Sairen: "There will be none of that, there won't."  
  
Mitsuno: "Sairen, I know we're hosting people from the past, but what's with the Kenshin lingo?"  
  
*from the audience*  
  
Sanosuke: *arm in sling and a bandage around his head* "Yeah; why IS she talking like Kenshin? Maybe it's the sword..."  
  
Kaoru: "No way--his sword's a reversed blade. Maybe he's just set some kind of trend..."  
  
Kenshin: "Oro? Me? Set a trend?"  
  
Yahiko: "You gotta admit, there's been a crap-load of people who have used the name Battousai for their own ends."  
  
Kenshin: *thinks for a sec* "You might be right. Personally, I think she's just seen too many episodes of the show, but she's doing a good job, that she is!"  
  
*the rest of the cast falls over anime-style*  
  
Sairen: ;)  
  
*in the ring*  
  
Inuyasha: *yelps in pain* "Oi! You're one lousy dance-partner. How many times did you step on Kagome's feet?"  
  
Kouga: "I'm doing it on purpose, moron." *He knees Inuyasha in the...well, you know*  
  
Inuyasha: X_X *doubles over*   
  
Naraku: *winces* "Ouch; that's gotta hurt ten times more than it looked."  
  
Sesshoumaru: *smiles slightly* "I wonder what his voice sounds like?"  
  
*Inuyasha straightens up*  
  
Mitsuno: "Wow, this guy must have balls of steel!"  
  
Sairen: "Mitsuno..." -_-o  
  
Mitsuno: "What? Most guys would still be on the ground after that!"  
  
Sairen: "I guess that's why Kouga looks a bit nervous."  
  
*For a moment, Inuyasha just stands there. Then he smiles*  
  
Inuyasha: "Hmn." *rushes and knees Kouga twice as hard in the same spot*  
  
Kouga: (( O.O )) *squeeks* "Dammit!" *curles up on the floor*  
  
Mitsuno, Sairen and Naraku: "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"  
  
Dairen: "This ain't no damn Rochembeau! Foul!"  
  
Inuyasha: *slightly high-pitched voice* "What? He started it!"  
  
Sairen: *still laughing* "Did he just foul Inuyasha?"  
  
Mitsuno: *wipes eyes* "I think so."  
  
Naraku: *recovering* "Wh--HAHA! what's a foul mean?"  
  
Dairen: "A fighter can get up to three fouls before the stupid bloke gets disqualified."  
  
Inuyasha: "That's insane!"  
  
Dairen: "So is getting fouled three times in one match, Fuzzy."  
  
Mitsuno: "Um, Dairen...shouldn't you be doing something?"  
  
Dairen: "I can't take a cold shower here! What? Oh, um, that." *starts countdown*  
  
"One..."  
  
Kouga: *big struggle to talk* "I thought he was fouled!"  
  
Dairen: "...two...buckle my shoe..."  
  
Mitsuno: "What is this moron doing?"  
  
Dairen: "...three...four...man, when WAS the last time I scored?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Dairen, stop screwing around and get on with it!" *realizes what she just said* "And don't take that out of context!"  
  
Sairen: "Hold on, Dairen--I think he's getting up!"  
  
Kouga: *somehow manages to stand* "I'm not out of this yet!" *grabs throat* "My voice! I sound like a schoolgirl!"  
  
Kagome, Inner Sailor Senshi, Sakura, Mei Lynn, Hitomi, Akane, and all other school-age chicks from anime: "Hey! I resemble that!!"  
  
Kouga: "You'll pay for this, dog-face!" *Kouga takes a running start at Inuyasha, then jumps in the air*  
  
Inuyasha: "So, you're ready for more, neh? Iron Reaper Soul Stealer!"  
  
*Attack barely misses Kouga, who does a mid-air spin to avoid it*  
  
Sairen: "Kouga barely misses getting nailed by one of Inuyasha's special attacks!"  
  
Dairen: *sniff, sniff* "I smell blood. And it's making me thirsty."  
  
Mitsuno: "Uh, oh. I guess Kouga got grazed."  
  
*Kouga lands on his feet and wipes off his cheek, which indeed had a scratch that bled a little*  
  
Kouga: "Ha! 'Tis a flesh wound!"  
  
Sairen: *sighs* "Too much Monty Python..."  
  
Inuyasha: "Ha. You're not even going to HAVE any flesh after this next one!" *gears up for another Iron Reaper*  
  
Kouga: "Oh, s**t!"  
  
Dairen: "Oi, me virgin ears! Foul, bitch!"  
  
Kouga: "WHAT?!?"  
  
Inuyasha: ^__________________^  
  
Dairen: "Hey, this fic's PG-13. Watch your damn language, neh?"  
  
*Kouga growls in response*  
  
Naraku: "Well, now, looks like both fighters have racked up a foul."  
  
Kouga: "That's so stupid! How am I going to get fouled for one word when this guy *points at the referee* practically has Turrets?"  
  
Inuyasha: "Turrets? Is that contagious?"   
  
Naraku: *curious* "I wonder...does this illness cause horrible deformations?"  
  
Sairen: "Why? Need a new look, Naraku?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Ouch, touché!! Seriously, though, for all you non-Rhodes Scholars--Turrets is a syndrome where the person who has it suddenly begins cursing out of nowhere, seemingly without control. At least, that's what I've heard..."  
  
*looks up to Rurouni Kenshin section and sees Megumi, who's leafing through medical terminology book*  
  
Megumi: *finds page* "Looks about right to me."  
  
Sairen: *nods head* "Yup, that sounds like our Dairen, only his case is self-inflicted."  
  
Mitsuno: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Saiyan's bipolar, since he's so nice one minute, but he'd kill you the next."  
  
Naraku: *feeling out-of-the-loop, yet tries to play it off* "Can we skip the MCAT review and get back to the fight?"  
  
Sairen: "Yeah, we know. But if Inuyasha's claws find their target, we can still have that lesson on anatomy!"  
  
*Sailor Moon benches*  
  
Rei: "See, Ami-chan, I TOLD you these fights are educational!"  
  
Mikako: "Uh, huh!" *grabs more popcorn* "Hey, wolf-guy! Swing that half-demon by the sideburns!"  
  
Kouga: *has been successfully sidestepping Inuyasha's attacks* "Hmn...that ain't a bad idea!"  
  
Inuyasha: "It's about time you stopped running like a coward!"  
  
Kouga: "Running?" *laughs* "I've been stepping a few inches to the side! Your aim sucks! It's like you're cross-eyed or something!"  
  
Sairen, Mitsuno & Naraku: *rolling on floor laughing*  
  
*Inuyasha's totally blind-sided by that one*  
  
Inuyasha: "Wha--WHAT?"  
  
Kouga: "You're attacks are no where near my vital points. A blind marksman has more depth-perception than you! The only reason you EVER got anywhere in a fight against me was because of the Tetsuaiga!"  
  
Inuyasha (and a very ticked-off one at that): "At least I actually DRAW my friggen weapon, Kouga!"  
  
Kouga: *didn't see that coming* "I--I just don't like wasting it on mutts like you! Yeah, that's it!"  
  
Naraku: *shakes head* "That lying dog...he couldn't lift that blade if his life depended on it. I'm willing to bet he doesn't even HAVE a sword inside the sheath!"  
  
Mitsuno: "I guess we'll just have to wait and see about that one." *stares at Inuyasha, who seems to be going through some sort of transformation*  
  
Sairen: *notices what Mitsu's looking at* "Hey, how come his eyes are all red?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "This should be good for a laugh."  
  
Jaken: "Lord Sesshoumaru--you NEVER laugh! Never mind smile, unless someone's going to die..."  
  
Sesshoumaru: "My brother's demon side's getting the best of him. If the strain doesn't kill him, then that vampire in the ring probably will for security reasons."  
  
Naraku: "Inuyasha's brain goes on total lock-down when he gets like this. He understands nothing except the most basic survival skills."  
  
Sairen: "In English..."  
  
Mitsuno: "All he knows is kill, eat, sleep, mate, repeat."  
  
Sairen: *scratches head* "Isn't that all guys do, anyway?"  
  
Mitsuno: *thinks for a sec* "Good point."   
  
(DarkFlame: "hehe, lo siento, couldn't resist!!!" XD )  
  
Kouga: *thinking* 'Crap, look what you've gotten yourself into this time. Stupid wolf, what now?'  
  
Dairen: "Heh, I was about to ask you the same question."  
  
Kouga: "What? You read minds?"  
  
*a totally whacked-out Inuyasha does his signature one-hand knuckle crack*  
  
Dairen: *notices* "I suggest you worry about that crazed youkai over there, mate. It's your fight, so it's YOUR job to make sure he doesn't go on a killing spree."  
  
Kouga: *glances at Inuyasha's blood red eyes and deranged expression* *less-than-enthusiastic tone* "Great."  
  
InuYasha: *growls* "Koooouuuuuggggaaaaa....." *his head slowly turns a full 360*  
  
Mitsuno: *blinks* "¿Que el diablo....?"  
  
Naraku: "Good God! He really IS possessed!"  
  
Sairen: *takes a long, hard look at the bottle of sake she's been drinking* "Hmph." *pours the rest out*  
  
Dairen: *rubs eyes* "Ye gods....Dairen, no more after-parties on work nights for you, buddy."  
  
Kouga: "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" *runs madly to the edge of ring and attempts to jump out, only to hit an invisible barrier*  
  
"UMPH!" *slides down*  
  
*in The Box, Sairen finishes up her containment spell*   
  
Sairen: "There! That should prevent InuYasha from escaping until he gets it together!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Uh, Sairen, you also locked Kouga and Dairen in with him."  
  
Sairen: "Really?" *gets excited* "CAGE MATCH!!!!!!"  
  
Naraku: "She has to be the only person capable of correctly executing a spell when totally hammered."  
  
Sairen: "I'm not drunk. I only had half the bottle, and it was the only thing back here!"  
  
Naraku: *mutters* "That's why I was trying to save it for later."  
  
Dairen: *begins countdown* "One....toe, I mean, Two...."  
  
Kouga: *raised head* "What are you counting for?"  
  
Dairen: "Any time one of you hits the floor, I have to count, stupid. Five...."  
  
Kouga: *dashes over and picks Dairen up by the shirt* "And what the hell happened to three and four?"  
  
Dairen: "I counted it in my head. Now put me down before both of us lose ours!"  
  
Mitsuno: "While Kouga was laying down on the job, InuYasha has taken to the offensive!"  
  
Sairen: *Tsch* "InuYasha's the only one who HAS been doing any real offense!"  
  
*Kouga senses a very irked demon heading towards him. Dairen uses his vampire speed to move to the opposite side of the ring while Kouga uses his own legs to get out of the way. However, youkai-mode InuYasha's twice as fast and manages to rake up Kouga's right shoulder*  
  
Kouga: "AH! I guess his aim's improved somewhat in exchange for his intelligence."  
  
InuYasha: *feral growl* *crouches on all fours*  
  
Kouga: "What the...he looks like a common house dog! A very rabid common house dog." *he looks around for some kind of exit* "This barrier's gotta have some weak point." *a light bulb turns on over his head* "Hey..."  
  
*Kouga does the unthinkable. Reaching down, he...*  
  
Naraku: "Holy crap. He's gonna--"  
  
Mitsuno: "--He's taking it off!"  
  
Sairen: "No way!"  
  
Dairen: "This could get quite ugly..." *keeps looking, anyway*  
  
*Kouga takes off his sword*  
  
(feh, what were YOU thinking?)  
  
Kouga: *whistles* "Here, doggie, here, boy!"  
  
Naraku: " 'the hell..."  
  
Kouga: "See the stick? Nice stick, doggie...a nice stick of jerky!"  
  
Mitsuno: "I think he hit your barrier too hard, Sairen. Kouga's officially lost it!"  
  
Naraku: "Can't lose what you don't have, though I'm starting to wonder."  
  
Sairen: "Well, whatever, InuYasha seems to be falling for it."  
  
*a curious InuYasha cautiously advances towards Kouga's outstretched sword."  
  
InuYasha: *sniffs scabbard*  
  
Kouga: "That's it...nice jerky..." *thinks* 'At least the sheath's made out of cowhide! In his state, it's all beef to him!'  
  
*InuYasah paws for it, much like a cat would a piece of yarn*  
  
Kouga: "See? Good boy. You can have it if you go FETCH!" *Kouga reaches up and throws the sword. Immediately, InuYasha leaps after it and Kouga moves as far back as he can go*  
  
  
  
Mitsuno: "And he pitches a fast one!"  
  
Sairen: "But InuYasha's faster and he looks as if he'll catch it!"  
  
Naraku: "Heh. He's gonna be pissed when he chips a tooth from gnawing on it."  
  
*InuYasha bounds forward a bit, then jumps up and catches the sword in midair. Unfortunately, he's still moving forward when he does it.*  
  
SMACK!! *~~FITZ, FITZ~~*  
  
*all the lights in the stadium flash out for a few seconds, then flash back on, revealing dozens of guilty faces as people try to act like they weren't making out*  
  
Dairen: "What? Sairen, I thought that was a containment barrier, not a big-ass bug zapper!"  
  
Kouga: *feels his pupils contract from the lights coming back on* "ARGH! What happened?"  
  
Dairen: *walks over to the charred mess on the floor* *Nudges it with toe* "Ewww....I don't even think a count is necessary for this one. Winner: Kouga!"  
  
*cheers from the Kouga fans in the audience, while the Inuyasha fans demand an autopsy to make sure*  
  
Sango: "Wow, who'd of thought Kouga could actually come up with something intelligent?"  
  
Kagome: "Oh, my gosh. INUYASHA!!!!" *jumps out of seat, runs to ring*  
  
Sesshoumaru: "He's dead, you know. I guess that means I get Tetsuaiga." *gets up*  
  
Kagome: *somehow managed to pass through barrier* "He is NOT, Sesshoumaru! He's still breathing!"  
  
Sesshoumaru, Naraku & Kouga: "Damn." *the last two snap their fingers in frustration. another type of snap comes from Inuyasha's older brother, along with a mysterious flash*  
  
Dairen: "Hey! It's bright enough in here! Only the mortician's allowed to take pictures, anyway!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *smiles his little smile while pushing a few buttons on a digital camera* "Just think of me as his assistant." *walks away*  
  
Naraku: "If you print it, save me a copy! And make it wall-sized!"  
  
*Sairen and Mitsuno go through the barrier; Naraku tries to follow, but cannot pass*  
  
WHAM!   
  
Naraku: Oo;;; "...Ouch..."  
  
*While Mitsuno chats with Kouga, Sairen takes a look at Inuyasha*  
  
Mitsuno: "Wow, Kouga, that was some quick thinking. Please, would you tell the house how you came up with that brilliant scheme?"  
  
Kouga: *blushes* "Um, actually, I was hoping the sword would cause enough of a distraction so I could find a way out of here. Or he'd ruin his teeth from chewing on it so he couldn't bite me if worse came to worse."  
  
Mitsuno: *blink, blink* "...Nani? Are you trying to say that putting InuYasha out of commission was a fluke?"  
  
Kouga: *embarrassed laugh* "I guess so."   
  
Mitsuno: -_-;; "Sairen, how's the hanyou?"  
  
Sairen: "Still alive. Somehow."  
  
Kagome: *pretty much hysterical* "Inuyasha! He needs medical attention!"  
  
Sairen: "He needs a therapist for his mood-swings." *Heals him, anyway*  
  
Kouga: "Hmn. Don't waste your time on him."   
  
Fangirls: "EEEEE!!!!! WE LOVE YOU, KOUGA!!!!"  
  
Kouga: *blows kisses*   
  
*While waving to the crowd, Kouga exits the ring. Or tries to, anyway, since he forgot one little thing*  
  
~*~WHAM!!!~*~  
  
*In a very Kenshin-like manner, Kouga's sprawled out on the floor with his eyes spinning wildly*  
  
Kouga: @_@' '   
  
Sairen: "Oopers, forgot about that!" *takes down barrier*   
  
"Kagome, just make sure he doesn't try getting up for a day or so, and he'll be fine."  
  
Naraku: *still on floor, rubbing his sore nose* "And you didn't just let him die because...?"  
  
Sairen: "I don't feel like chasing off carrion birds. Or the majority of the demon-side of the audience."  
  
*tosses Tetsuaiga to Kagome* "Give this to him when he's back on his feet. The energy of the barrier should have shocked his senses back."  
  
Kagome: "But what if he's still in demon-mode?"  
  
Sairen: *shrugs* "Kill him."  
  
Mitsuno: "I guess that wraps things up for this one. Next time:" *pauses* "Sairen, you've got the list. Who's next?"  
  
Sairen: *rummages through pocket and pulls out black piece of paper* "Looks like Rin's gonna take on that toad, Jaken."  
  
Mitsuno: "Huh? Does Sesshoumaru know about this?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *matter-of-factly* "I am the one Rin asked to write her up."  
  
Jaken: "Say WHAT?"  
  
Rin: *jumps up and down* "Yay, Rin fight next!"  
  
Sairen: "No more mass moshes or fights until then, people!" *holds head in rememberance*  
  
Mitsuno: "Hasta luego!" 


	5. Round III: Rin vs Jaken

*Authoress' note* || Krystal P., Jennifer V. ....hopefully you'll come across this insane fic one day, 'cause this chapter's for you guys (especially the end) ||  
  
from--Ami-chan; aka: the chick who's typing this (hehe, my real name's a mystery, though my friends should know it. if anyone else REALLY wants it, i'll give you a hint in the next chapter!)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
~*~Round III: Rin vs. Jaken~*~  
  
*The second intermission is underway. Fans with the munchies are practically ambushing the Ramen and fast-food vendors--especially the demons, who keep trying to take a bite out of the people serving. Rashim and Shalmar have their hands full in this respect, giving a few painful object lessons on why it's impolite to eat people.  
  
*In the ring itself, Dairen and Saiyan are deep in conversation.*  
  
"Dairen, you know perfectly well that I have no idea what I'm doing."  
  
"And you know perfectly well that I can't stop cursing if my life depended on it!"  
  
"Um, you just did!"  
  
"Son of a Bitch, I think you're right!" Dairen exclaims, pleased with himself. Saiyan sighs. "All you have to do is make sure they don't cheat or do anything against the rules; it's not that damn hard."  
  
"It's a child and a toad," Saiyan points out, "and I'm not any more of a baby-sitter than you are!"  
  
"True. But you're better at watching your damn language. I sure as hell don't want to teach the kid any new foreign phrases, if you get what I'm saying."  
  
"Whatever. Hey, I think we're about to get started," Saiyan tells his brother.  
  
"Yeah; Mitsuno and Sairen look like they're about to introduce the fighters."  
  
"So get the hell out of my ring and find a seat!"  
  
Dairen flips him off before taking Saiyan's place as a security guard.  
  
*Mitsuno and Sairen make their way back to The Box. Naraku appears as if he had been taking a nap. When the girls return, he opens an eye.*  
  
Naraku: -_p "Didn't bring me anything?"  
  
Sairen: "Didn't get your happy ass up and GET anything?"  
  
Mitsuno: *licks fingers* "Those giant chocolate chip cookies are the schiznit!"  
  
Naraku: "Chocolate? I believe that is a delicacy among the humans of my time."  
  
Sairen: *tosses a doggie bag into his lap* " 'round here, it's virtually a staple."  
  
Naraku: *opens bag and finds a big ass cookie that's been broken into quarter pieces* *sniff, sniff* "How do I know you didn't poison this or something?"  
  
Sairen: "Aren't you MADE of poison? Besides, I prefer more direct methods to get the job done."  
  
Naraku: "Good enough for me." *takes a bite* "This IS pretty good." *continues eating with gusto*  
  
Mitsuno: "Hey, isn't that Saiyan in the ring?"  
  
Sairen: "I guess. Dairen said he didn't want to give Rin any new vocabulary lessons, since she's still pretty young. I still don't see how you can tell the two of them apart so easy."  
  
Mitsuno: "You could, too, if you've known them as long as I have."  
  
Naraku: *mouth full of cookie* "Dairen always has a golem of himself around?"  
  
Mitsuno: "No...him and Saiyan are identical twins. You know, two people who look exactly alike?"  
  
Naraku: "What? Then the tall male and female demons with the white hair--"  
  
Sairen: "E L E M E N T A L S, dear Naraku, Elementals. And, yes, they are twins as well."  
  
Naraku: "How the hell many sets of twins do you have running around here?"  
  
Sairen: "I don't know, but I still think I saw two Sesshoumarus at the pocky booth!"  
  
Naraku: *rolls eyes* "Not that again. I still think he finally swallowed his pride and went in line twice!"  
  
Sairen & Mitsuno: O.o;;;  
  
Mitsuno: "We'll solve that mystery later. On with the show!"  
  
Sairen: "Our third round may be downsized, but that's only because the contenders are both under four feet tall!"  
  
Mitsuno: "And that doesn't mean that it won't be worth watching! Like our first fighters, these two are vying for the attention of the same man, and getting on each others' nerves in the process!"  
  
Naraku: "Is it me, or does having a bad habit of loving more than one woman at a time seem to run in their family?"  
  
Mitsuno: "First of all, I seriously doubt that Sesshoumaru's a pedophile."  
  
*The audience goes completely silent except for the crickets and Inuyasha, who's merrily laughing his ass off*  
  
Inuyasha: "My brother a cradle-robber?" *doubles over and falls on the floor laughing* "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
*Backstage (so to speak) a curious Rin tugs on Sesshoumaru's robes*  
  
Rin: "Sessa-sama, what's a peta-file?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *has his head down, though one can still see his eye twitch* "Never mind, Rin. Just make quick work of that toad Jaken so I may take care of that loud mouth red head afterwards!"  
  
*Back in The Box*  
  
Sairen: "Ye gods, Mitsuno; 'think you could have said that ANY louder?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Probably not. Anyway, like I was saying, Jaken's not a female, either, so I think I found a hole in your theory, Naraku."  
  
Naraku: *calmly and silently regards her while eating his cookie*  
  
Sairen: *in an attempt to keep her friend from saying anything else damaging* "Getting back to the point...This student plans on becoming the teacher! Challenging the annoying Jaken to a battle in hopes of putting him out of business for good, here comes the absolutely adorable Rin!"  
  
*Rin skips in to the tune "When I Grow Up". Sesshoumaru follows at his usual pace, still looking a bit peeved. On the way, he passes the crew from Card Captor Sakura/Card Captors*  
  
Madison: *with video camera, as always* "Hey, Sakura was right! That guy DOES look like Yue!"  
  
Sakura: "See, I TOLD you that wasn't him in the pocky line the first time!"  
  
Li: *sulking* "Well, he could have just changed his clothes or something and got in line again!"  
  
Yue: *frowning* "Like I'd stoop THAT low! There's no way in hell I'd put on makeup for another order of chocolate covered breadsticks!"  
  
*Sesshoumaru stops*  
  
Li: "Oh, shit!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Well, now. So you're the platinum poser trying to jock my style. Not that it's working..."  
  
Yue: *icy glare* "Excuse me? At least I don't walk around with a giant PINK FEATHER BOA, you feudal fairy!"  
  
*All audience members* "OOOHHHHH!!!"  
  
Inuyasha: *stands on seat* "I KNOW you're not just going to stand there and take that!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *as cold as ever* "For once, dear brother, I agree. Enjoy these last moments of you life, sirrah, for I, Sesshoumaru, shall proceed to slice you apart with your own split ends!"  
  
Yue: "You're going to have a rough time managing that while my foot's up you ass!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Assuming you can take your head out of your own first, which should prove quite the challenge in itself."  
  
*Without another word, Sesshoumaru heads over to the ring.*  
  
Naraku: "Well, damn. I think you jut got another match added to your roster!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Indeed we do. If we heard right, Sesshoumaru has challenged Yue to a fight to the death!"  
  
Sairen: "Two of the sexiest fellas in the house are gonna throw it down, right here on our humble show." *tries very hard not to drool a lake* "I LOVE this job!!!"  
  
Mitsuno: "So let's get this fight started so we can hurry up and get to the next one! Not being the one to pass up the chance to get rid of competition, Jaken now enters the ring to reclaim his place as Sesshoumaru's favorite sidekick!"  
  
Naraku: "I don't think he liked him to begin with."  
  
Sairen: "He DOES seem partial to Rin, plus he killed him twice."  
  
Mitsuno: *shrugs as if to say "Hell if I know."*  
  
*Jaken, who can't wait to get rid of Rin once and for all, tries his best to keep a dignified pace down the aisle. For some odd reason, he has chosen "Fire, Water, Burn"--the Bloodhound Gang version, mind you--for his theme. All of a sudden, the track on the CD changes to "Why's Everybody Always Picking On Me?"*  
  
Jaken: *confused* "What the hell? Change that back, insolent being!"  
  
*Rashim, who's still in charge of sound, has a very large, shit-eating grin across his face*  
  
Rashim: "My bad." *changes music back. Shalmar laughs*  
  
*Both parties have entered the ring*  
  
Saiyan: "Sorry, Rin, but no tag-team since Jaken doesn't have a partner."  
  
Jaken: *shocked* "What? Lord Sesshoumaru's fighting as well?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "No, you fool, I am observing. I refuse to sit with those filthy humans or the lesser demons!"  
  
Yue: *mutters from seat* "Who's got their head up their ass now?"  
  
*Sesshoumaru's ear twitches. Saiyan, who heard Yue as well, uses all of his power as referee to prevent any unscheduled bloodshed*  
  
Saiyan: "Yue, you'll get your chance later. For now, BOTH of you shut up and let these two duke it out first!"  
  
Rin: "Don't worry, Fluffy-sama, Rin will be done soon!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *sigh* -_-;;  
  
*Yue's eyes narrow*  
  
Yue: "Did she just say what I think she did?"  
  
Clow Reed: "It seems as if your opponent has a rather cute pet name."  
  
*Spinner and Kero, both in 'doll-form', share a big grin*  
  
Jaken: "How dare you embarrass Lord Sesshoumaru! Prepare to meet your end, child!"  
  
*Both Saiyan and Sesshoumaru step back as Jaken leaps towards Rin*  
  
Saiyan: *aside* " 'think he has a chance?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Hopefully not."  
  
Mitsuno: "Looks like we've started with a bit less ado than usual, with Jaken making the first move!"  
  
Naraku: "That's some leap; he managed to jump from one side of the ring to the other."  
  
Sairen: "He IS a frog, you know."  
  
*Jaken attempts to bring his staff down on Rin's head. Rin jumps out of the way and doubles back, kicking him IN the back*  
  
Sairen: "Yee-haw! and Jaken falls face-first and slides a few feet over!"  
  
Mitsuno: "That was some counter. Where'd she learn that one?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: ^____________^  
  
Naraku: "Chances are, she's watched Sesshoumaru fight so many times that she picked up a few things."  
  
Mitsuno: "Speaking of picking things up, Jaken's dusting himself off and getting ready for another go!"  
  
Rin: "Hey, why you get back up? Rin thought Jaken was hurt bad!"  
  
Jaken: "Sorry to disappoint you. Let's try a different approach." *one of the heads on Jaken's staff begins to shoot fire*  
  
Rin: "That not good!" *begins some serious dodge work*  
  
Mitsuno: "Um...Sesshoumaru, you know it's not legal for one fighter to be armed while the other isn't right?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *eyes quickly flicker to a hidden box in the corner of the ring* "She's armed."  
  
*Rin starts doing somersaults back and forth over Jaken's had. The fire staff follows*  
  
Mitsuno: *slightly annoyed* "I'm not talking about her left and right arms, either!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *patiently* "She is armed. Trust me."  
  
Naraku: "And a lot smarter than she looks. There's a reason she's been putting on an acrobatics show."  
  
Saiyan: "What? Oh!" *turns to Sesshoumaru, whispers something in his ear*  
  
Sesshoumaru: *eyes narrow* "Will it work?"  
  
Saiyan: "Judging by the distance that head can spit fire, I'd say so!"  
  
*Saiyan and Sesshoumaru exit the ring*  
  
Mitsuno: "Where do they think they're going?"  
  
Sairen: *yells out of The Box; Naraku, right next to her, covers his ears and leans in the opposite direction* "Hey, Saiyan, you coward! Don't let a pilot light keep you from doing your job--you got a match to ref, and I'll be damned if THIS one goes unofficial!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *calmly from behind them* "What on earth are you yelling about, woman?!"  
  
Sairen & Mitsuno: "EEP!!" *jump a few feet in the air and hold on to each other*  
  
Naraku: *tired of chicks yelling in his ear* "Here, take my seat." *gets up*  
  
Sesshoumaru: "I'll stand."  
  
Saiyan: *shrugs and sits* "Don't mind if I do."  
  
Mitsuno: "As if it's not crowded enough in here as it is! Why are you two in here? this is OUR Box!!"  
  
Saiyan: "I don't feel like stopping, dropping and rolling if a stray flame hits me. And Naraku's my freaking hero, man!" *hugs Naraku's middle*  
  
Naraku: OoO'' *somehow wiggles out of vampire's grip*  
  
Sairen: *Tsch* "If you burned as easily as you claim, you wouldn't be at the beach every weekend."  
  
Saiyan: *defensively* "The sun's not an open fire, Sairen!"  
  
Sairen: *talks right over him* "And what's your excuse, Sesshoumaru?"  
  
Mitsuno: *elbows Sairen* "Sairen! He's hot! Don't complain!"  
  
Sairen: *pouts* "Still though..." *whispers to Mitsuno* "cute guy, all wet?!? Neh?"  
  
*Each Elemental's off in her own little (halfway hentai) dream world*  
  
*Sesshoumaru gives them a "don't even go there" look*  
  
Naraku: "You've obviously never smelled a wet dog." *pushes Sairen half off her seat, jarring her from her thoughts and making room for himself*  
  
Sairen: "What the hell? This ain't musical chairs; go sit in Saiyan's lap!"  
  
FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ  
  
KERSSSSSSPLASSSSSSH!!!!  
  
Mitsuno: *a little surprised* "And that would be the sprinkler system over the ring turning on full blast!"  
  
*Jaken's fire breathing shrunken head splutters for a moment, then the flames die all together*  
  
Jaken: "My staff! You ruined it!"  
  
Rin: "Ooh, Rin make waterfall!"  
  
Sairen: "How did she know how to trigger the sprinklers?"  
  
Mitsuno: "How did she even know what and where the sprinklers are?"  
  
*Both look at Saiyan*  
  
Saiyan: "All I know is Dairen had a talk with her before the end of the second round."  
  
Naraku: "I thought the fighters couldn't get outside help. And the referee wasn't knocked out this time!"  
  
Saiyan: "It was BEFORE her match started, not after, so it's legit. Shouldn't you be paying more attention to them, anyway, instead of grilling me on the rules?"  
  
Naraku: *mutters something as impolite as it is inaudiable*  
  
Sairen: "My, such language!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Without his makeshift flame thrower, Jaken looks like he's at a bit of a loss."  
  
*From the human side of the audience, a darkly beautiful youth with platinum hair and eyes the color of wine scoffs at her last comment*  
  
Dilandau: "You call THAT a flame thrower?! That's merely a match to light my cigarettes with!"  
  
Chesta: "But, Dilandau-sama, you don't even SMOKE!"  
  
Dilandau: "What would YOU know about MY habits?"  
  
*Slaps Chesta*  
  
"MIGUEL! GUIMEL!"  
  
*Both dragonslayers appear at his feet on one knee*  
  
"Bring me my FlareMaster X1500!"  
  
Miguel & Guimel: "SIR!" *they run off*  
  
Gatti: *full knowing he's gonna get slapped, but what the hell* "Dilandau-sama, didn't the vampire just say that outside help during the match is forbidden?"  
  
Dilandau: "Oh, yeah. I had forgotten that. Thank you, Gatti."  
  
Gatti: *suspicious* "You are welcome, Sire."  
  
Dilandau: "Gatti?"  
  
Gatti: "Sir?"  
  
*SLAP*  
  
Dilandau: "Nothing."  
  
*Meanwhile, back where the real action is (lol)*  
  
Jaken: *dripping wet* "My robes? These are dry-clean only!"  
  
*His clothing begins to shrink*  
  
Jaken: "What the--?! Ah--" *his cry's cut off as his collar chokes him*  
  
Mitsuno & Naraku: "HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"  
  
Saiyan: *curious* "I wonder if he'll turn blue and get all bloated..."  
  
Sairen: "If he had lips, I think they'd be kinda purple. Rin may not have to do anything except sit back and watch as Jaken's life is squeezed out of him by his own garments!"  
  
*In a moment of desperation, Jaken uses his staff as a javelin and throws it at the circuit box, cutting off all electricity. A bunch of ripping sounds can be heard. The emergency generators immediately click on afterwards, giving barely enough light to see by. Footsteps can be heard padding at top speed out of the ring. A white shaft of street lamp light spills into the mostly darkened arena as someone opens one of the double doors just enough for them to slip through.*  
  
Mitsuno: *shouts in surprise and anger* "What the hell? Shalmar, can you fix that?"  
  
Sairen: "Yes, please! We're trying to host a show, here! This is the second damn blackout in two rounds!"  
  
Naraku: "Wasn't the first one your fault?"  
  
**SLAP!**  
  
*In the ringing silence afterwards, heavy clicking sounds can be heard that resemble switches being thrown*  
  
Shalmar: *somewhere on the other side of the stadium* "Got it! Jaken's staff shorted out the main lights, but I think I can fix it. I need some kind of jolt to get the electricity running again, once I fix the wires."  
  
*Pokémon side of the bleachers, which is right in front of the circuit box*  
  
Ash: *calls back* "I have some duct tape and a Pikachu...will that help?"  
  
Shalmar: "Um...that'll work."  
  
Ash: *turns on his flashlight* "Come on, Pikachu!"  
  
Pikachu: "Pika!"  
  
*He and the electric mouse make their way over to Shalmar. She patches up all of the broken wires except for two. These she holds up in front of her*  
  
Shalmar: "Ok, you two. Ash, you'll need to hold the light steady. Pikachu, I only need a small jolt, so don't use as much as you would when you fry Team Rocket, k?"  
  
James: "Did someone say fries? I'm getting hungry!"  
  
Jessey: "Oh, shut up, dolt! She wasn't talking about French Fries!"  
  
Meowth: "Besides, the booth with the fries uses an electric fryer, and we ain't got no electricity because of that stupid frog!"  
  
James: *mouth watering* "Mnnn....frog legs sound pretty good, too. GO, PIKACHU!!!"  
  
Pikachu: "Pika? Pi, PikaCHUUUUUUUUUU!!!"  
  
*The little guy lights up like a friggen Christmas tree*  
  
Audience: "OOHHHHH!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Rin: *Looks up from the long box she had stowed in a corner of the ring* "Ooh!! Pretty lights!!"   
  
Saiyan: *who can see perfectly in the dark* "When did she get that box?" *notices torn rags on the other side of the ring* "And where the hell-I mean, heck is Jaken?"   
  
*Sesshoumaru gives no answer except his little "someone's gonna die" smile*  
  
*Saiyan exits The Box and gets back into the ring. He immediately walks over to Rin, who has opened the box. With a penlight in her mouth, she's reading the Japanese side of an instruction sheet and assembling some kind of machine. The vampire's eyes widen as he recognizes what she has*  
  
Saiyan: "Where the devil did you GET that?!"  
  
Rin: *smiles proudly* "Sessa-sama gave it to me!"  
  
*@ Dilandau's little enclave, which is surrounded by smokeless torches*  
  
*Miguel and Guimel have already reported back. If it was up to the latter, though, they would have hopped the next cruise to the Bahamas*  
  
Dilandau: *dangerous eye twitch* "What do you mean, 'We can't find your FlareMasterX1500'?"  
  
*Guimel winces*  
  
Miguel: "We're sorry, Dilandau-sama. It wasn't in the trunk with the rest of your equipment; the entire box is missing!"  
  
Dilandau: "Really? Considering that I distinctly remember putting it on top of the summer issues of Mad Magazine and locking the trunk, I'd have to say that SOMEONE must have broken in!"  
  
Miguel: "Actually, Sir, the lock seems as if it was, well, MELTED on the inside..."  
  
Dilandau: *seems to be turning this over in his mind* *yells* "FOLKEN!"  
  
Folken: *winces* "I am right next to you, Dilandau. Miguel, bring me the lock and I'll analyze it."  
  
Dilandau: "I'LL give the orders to MY Slayers, thank you. Miguel, bring Folken the lock and he'll analyze it."  
  
*Miguel gives a bow before leaving. Guimel just looks relieved*  
  
Folken: *sighs and rolls his eyes* "Guimel...you're pretty good behind a bar counter. Get me one of those Cosmopolitan things, if you will."  
  
Guimel: *thinking* 'He only orders that when he's stressed.' "Want a cherry with that, too, Sir?"  
  
Folken: "Three. One in the drink, the other two chocolate-covered; one dark, one white."  
  
Guimel: "As you wish, Folken-sama." *bows and leaves*  
  
Dilandau: *whines* "How 'come I don't get anything harder than wine?" *yells after Guimel* "BRING ME A BOTTLE OF AUSTURIA'S FINEST, AT LEAST 50 YEARS OLD!!!"  
  
Folken: *tsch* "Like you need it."  
  
*At this point, both the audience and everyone in the pretty much pitch-black Box is getting restless. Well, almost everyone...*  
  
Mitsuno: "Shalmar, what in the nine hells is taking so damn looooonnnnng?!?!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "And how much longer am I going to have to listen to those two kissing?"  
  
Mitsuno: "Huh? What? Sairen, what's he talking about?" *Mitsuno pokes her*  
  
Sairen: ... *too busy to answer at first* "Mn--what?"  
  
Naraku: *tauntingly* "Heh. Is Lord Sesshoumaru afraid of the dark?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "No. Just of what you two are doing in it."  
  
Mitsuno: O.O "Say WHAT?" *a tiny fire springs to life on her index finger* "What the hell are you two doing?"  
  
Sairen: "DUDE, PUT THAT OUT!!! YOU'RE GONNA TORCH THIS WHOLE BOX!!!!"  
  
Mitsuno: *alarmed* "OHMYGOSH! I FORGOT!!!" *she puts out the flame*  
  
Naraku & Sairen: ^__________^ *pick up where they left off*  
  
Sesshoumaru: *rolls eyes* "Fool, this Box is flame-retardant." *rummages in armor for a match*  
  
*Zoom to other side of arena, where Pikachu has chu'ed his last chu. (DarkFlame136: "at least i THINK that makes some sort of sense...")*  
  
Pikachu: *weakly* "...chu...." *falls over with exhaustion*   
  
Ash: "PIKACHU!!"   
  
Shalmar: "That should do it." *somehow manages to connect both ends of the wire without electrocuting herself* "Thank you both for your help. I think Nurse Joy's over in the Nurse Joy section next to the Officer Jenny section. Just take Pikachu over and one of them'll fix him up."  
  
*Ash takes Pikachu over to the Nurse Joy sections, where at least 20 different Nurse Joys are seated...all dressed the same...all with a Chansey...all wishing that Brock would stop flirting or drop dead*  
  
Ash: *semi-frantic* "Nurse Joy! Please, help my Pikachu!"  
  
Pikachu: "...akip...uhc..."  
  
Nurse Joy (lol, just pick one): "What? How did this Pikachu become dyslexic?"  
  
Ash: "Beats me. He's pretty drained, though."  
  
Nurse Joy: *looks over at Brock, who still can't take a hint* "Joys! Huddle!"  
  
Ash: O.O ()   
  
*All Nurse Joy's huddle and whisper among themselves*  
  
Brock: *thinking in a fashion not unlike Miroku* 'Hm...they must be trying to figure out which one can go out with me first!'   
  
*The huddle breaks. Nurse Joy steps forward*  
  
Nurse Joy 1: "We'll help your Pikachu if you can do us a small favor."  
  
Ash: "Anything!"  
  
Nurse Joy 2: "Since there's no Pokémon Center around here, we'll need you to go get us some supplies..."  
  
Brock: *totally getting the wrong idea* "Aw, you don't have to get rid of Ash! We can just go somewhere else for our date!"  
  
Nurse Joy 3: "...and get rid of HIM while you're at it!"  
  
Ash: *scoffs* "That's easy." *hands over Pikachu* "Officer Jenny, come quick! There's a man over here harassing Nurse Joy!"  
  
Brock: "Say WHAT?!?" *looks around* "Where is he? I'll show him!"  
  
Officer Jenny: "What? A man's harassing Nurse Joy?"  
  
Officer Jenny: "Don't worry, Nurse Joy, we'll take care of everything!"  
  
Officer Jenny: "Let's go arrest that pervert!"  
  
*Around 20 Police Officer Jennys storm the area and surround a totally clueless Brock*  
  
Brock: *blushes* "Now, now, ladies, there's enough of me to go around..."  
  
Officer Jenny: "Allright, wise guy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." *brandishes a pair of handcuffs*  
  
Brock: "Wow, Jenny, I never knew you could be so...WILD!!!" *he moves towards her*  
  
*Around 20 cans of industrial-strength mace suddenly spray into his face*  
  
Brock: *screaming in agony* "AHHHHH!!!! THE PAIN!!! MY FACE IS ON FIIIRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
  
*A few Officer Jennys round him up while another talks to Nurse Joy*  
  
Officer Jenny: "Well, our job here is done."  
  
Nurse Joy: "Thank you so much, Officer Jennys!"  
  
Ash: *comes back with supplies Nurse Joy asked for* "Here you go, Nurse Joy." *notices Officer Jenny* "Hey, you're Officer Jenny from Pallet Town!"  
  
Officer Jenny: "Oh, hello Ash! I'm surprised you remember me!" (DarkFlame136: "don't ask how, since they all look and dress the same!")  
  
*Meanwhile, Shalmar's flipping the switches back on. Light floods the stadium and everything turns back on*  
  
Audience: "HOORAY!!!!!"  
  
All Elementals except Shalmar: "About damn time!"  
  
Saiyan & Dairen: *blinking like crazy and growling curses*  
  
Shalmar: *bowing and waving to the crowd, which is throwing long-stem red and black roses at her feet* "Aw, it's nothing! Thank you, though!" ^_^  
  
*In The Box*  
  
Mitsuno: *excited whoop* "Finally, back on the air!"  
  
Sairen: *fixing clothes* " 'bout time, too."  
  
Naraku: *sits back, acting like nothing happened* "Just as well."  
  
Mitsuno: *scratches head* "Sairen...why on earth are you in his lap?"  
  
Sairen: *cooly* "Because his ass is totally taking up the chair."  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of asses...Jaken, you better have a damn good explanation for shorting out the lights!"  
  
red neck judge from Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law: *waves tomahawk* "Yeah! What the dog said!"   
  
*Jaken's kicking back in the ring, as if everything was the same as before. Only it wasn't...*   
  
Sesshoumaru: *eyes the toad* "...Nice suit. I do not recall seeing you with it at the beginning of the match."  
  
Yue: "Hmph. He's just mad because his lackey has better style than him."  
  
Madison: *focuses camera lense* "You've got that right. That's a Gucci suit, complete with an Italian leather fedora and a genuine peacock feather, along with alligator-skin shoes." *pauses* "And I'm fairly sure that cane's of imported cedar wood with a 24-carat gold knob on top!"  
  
Sakura: "Wow, Madison. You really DO know your fashion!"  
  
*Madison blushes at the compliment*  
  
Saiyan: "I was wondering where you ran off to after killing the lights. Where'd you get the money for the pimp suit?"  
  
Jaken: *examines newly manicured fingers* "You gotta know where to shop, my dear vampire."  
  
Saiyan: *shrugs in indifference* "Or simply where Sesshoumaru keeps his gold."   
  
Sesshoumaru: *calmly checks pockets, pulls out his money bag. he doesn't even open it, instead weighing it in his hand* "I'm missing quite a few coins, eight hundred in gold, to be exact." *raises eyebrow at Jaken, who suddenly looks VERY nervous* "Any ideas...Jaken?"  
  
Rin: *triumphant and self-satisfied grin* "Rin's all done!"   
  
Jaken: "With what? Wetting your pants?"  
  
*Still smiling, Rin just stands there. Saiyan, with a healthy fear for his unlife, hauls ass out of the ring back to The Box*  
  
Jaken: *suddenly suspicious at the vampire's sudden departure* "Rin...what's behind your back?"  
  
*The little girl whips out a giant, brand-spanking new silver flame-thrower with a barrel that has a 2.5" radius that's almost twice her height in terms of length. Engraved on the side of the barrel is--*  
  
Dilandau: "--FlareMasterX1500!" *jumps out of chair, upsetting the bowl of grapes that was in his lap* "How did that little--" *draws out next word* "--GIIIRRRRLLL-- get my flame-thrower!"  
  
*Folken comes gliding back*   
  
Folken: "I'm not sure, Dilandau, but it seems that the thief used some sort of corrosive poison to take care of the lock on your trunk."  
  
Sesshoumaru: *examines his own fingernails* "It was much more mysterious than breaking it off."  
  
Mitsuno: *gazing with awe at Rin* "Oh, hell YES!!!!!" *cheers* "WOOT WOOT!!!!!!"  
  
Sairen: "Rin seems to have in her possession a shiny new FlareMasterX1500!!!!"  
  
*Shalmar appears in the ring wearing one of those sparkly, skimpy Las Vegas show girl outfits and matching high heels. She walks around Rin, making gestures to help show off her *ahem* DILANDAU's new toy*  
  
Mitsuno: "Fully loaded with dual internal fuel tanks, this model is made out of 100% environmentally safe heat resistant metal and the fuel burns cleanly, so that you can have hours of fun at a time without worrying about mother nature or third-degree burns! Plus, rumor has it that the flames can shoot out over one hundred feet!" *can barely contain herself* "Kick ASS!!!!!"  
  
Naraku: *puzzled* "How do you know all that?"  
  
Sairen: "I bought her the Deluxe model for Christmas last year."  
  
Sesshoumaru: "What's the difference?"  
  
Sairen: *tries picturing the FlareMasterX1500 Deluxe* "An....extra barrel and slightly larger fuel tank."  
  
Mitsuno: *nods head* "And at the push of a button, the flames shoot out in one of five different colors!"  
  
Sairen: "Her favorite's the black one, with red in the middle."  
  
*Mitsuno dances around in her seat, apparently antzy just thinking about her beloved flame thrower"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "I'm sure Rin can get the job done with the regular model."  
  
Naraku: "Maybe you can get her the Deluxe one as a gift for winning."  
  
Saiyan: "This fight's not over yet. Jaken may actually win this by some wack twist of fate."  
  
*The five of them consider this for a moment*  
  
All: "NAH!"  
  
*In the ring, Jaken's slowly backing up"  
  
Jaken: *Nervous chuckle* "Rin...you wouldn't REALLY use that on your friend Jaken, would you?"  
  
Rin: *confused* "Jaken's Rin's friend?" *accusingly* "Then why Jaken always a$$hole when Sessa-sama's not here?"  
  
Sairen: "LMAO!!!!!" *rolls off of Naraku's lap and onto floor, laughing hysterically*  
  
Naraku: *dryly* "Can't imagine where she learned THAT one."  
  
Sesshoumaru: *more to himself than anyone else* "Hmn. Perhaps I SHOULD be more careful when speaking around her, even when I think she isn't in earshot..."  
  
Sairen: *from floor* *in between laughter* "...You called Jaken an a$$hole?!?!" *cracks up all over again* "HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Mitsuno: -_-o "N-E-way...Rin, honey, wrap this up before she pukes from laughing so hard!"  
  
Naraku: -_-;; *picks her up and deposits back in his lap*  
  
Sesshoumaru: -_p "What'd I miss?"  
  
Naraku: "Shut up."  
  
*Rin's playing with the dial on the side of the flame thrower. Jaken, who knows damn well that she won't be able to turn it on, sees this as his chance. He starts fiddling with the knob on his cane*  
  
Mitsuno: "Hm....both Rin and Jaken are messing around with their respective weapons."  
  
*A large wicked needle comes out of the end of Jaken's cane. When he shakes it, a drop of clear, effervescing liquid comes out of the tip. It hits the floor of the ring, leaving a smoking, gaping hole to mark where it landed*  
  
Saiyan: "What sort of poison is that?"  
  
Sesshoumaru & Naraku: "And where can I get some?" *both glare at each other*  
  
Sairen: *finally regains her businesslike composure* "I guess it comes with the cane, which Jaken is ready to launch at an unsuspecting Rin!"  
  
*Jaken reaches back, takes a few steps forward, and hurls the deadly object straight at Rin's heart*  
  
Rin: *still fiddling with nob*  
  
Sesshoumaru: *actually raises his voice* "RIN!"  
  
Rin: "Huh? OWIE!" *she cuts herself on the knob and drops the FlareMasterX1500. She bends over to pick it up just as Jaken's weapon reaches where she was standing. It misses her by a mere second and skews three of the people in the audience behind her*  
  
Three unfortunate shiskabobs: "AHH--!!!" *gurgle, gurgle*  
  
Mitsuno: "Oh, wow, that was a really close call!"  
  
Sairen: "In one of those strange, ironic moments, Rin is saved by the child safety device installed on the FlareMasterX1500!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *relieved* -o- '...too close...'  
  
Jaken: "What? How could she have ducked at just the right time?"  
  
Naraku: *mutters* "The same way those people behind her didn't?"  
  
Rin: *sucks finger* "It bit me!"  
  
*Mitsuno jumps out of The Box*  
  
Mitsuno: *cups hands and shouts* "Rin! You need to take the safety off!"  
  
*Sairen reaches out and grabs her friend's shirt, pulling her back in*  
  
Sairen: *waves finger in reproach* "Uh-uh, Misu--no help from outside the ring!"  
  
Saiyan: "She's right, mate. Rin's gotta figure this one out on her own."  
  
Mitsuno: *sulky* "Oh. Right." *sudden stroke of genius* "Hey! There's no ref in the ring, so it's not an official match, anyway, is it?"  
  
*Saiyan shakes his head*  
  
Saiyan: "That only works if the referee's disabled and unable to judge the match."  
  
Mitsuno: *snaps in frustration* "Damn!"  
  
Rin: *confuseld again* "...Safety? What that?"  
  
Jaken: *not surprised in the least. or that smart, for that matter...* "Ha! 'figures you couldn't really use such a complicated device! Everyone knows that you need to turn off the child safety switch before you can use it!"  
  
Rin: "Aw, Rin must have missed that part in instructions!"  
  
Jaken: *rolls eyes* "I don't see how you could...then again, only you could miss a bright red switch next to the trigger that says 'Turn off before use!' "  
  
Naraku: *shakes head in wonder* "What a dumbass..."  
  
Rin: *picks up flame thrower* *spots switch with little difficulty, now that she knows what to look for* "Is this it?" *flips it into the OFF position*  
  
WHIRR....  
  
*Rin sets the dial--which now turns with ease--on MONGOLIAN BAR-B-Q*  
  
Jaken: *shocked at his own lack of good judgement* "Oh, CRAP!" *eyes widen in understanding* "This suit's not flame-resistant! And I'm just renting it!!!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *smiles* "Renting, neh? I never knew he was so...THRIFTY!"  
  
Mitsuno: *cheers* "YEAH, RIN!"  
  
Sairen: "ROAST HIS CHEAP-ASS!"  
  
Jaken: "No, Rin!! Please! Not the SUIT---NNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
*Rin pulls the trigger, engulfing the pleading Jaken in a big-ass pillar of flames, which rushes past him and also takes out the front row behind him*  
  
Audience member: *running for his pitiful life* "OHMYGOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!!"  
  
*A tiny flame licks his shoulder. Soon, a roaring fire bursts to life on his kimono, transforming him a running torch of death, charring all in his path. Living or not, nothing is spared from a fiery end*   
  
(DarkFlame136: *gazes with pleasure on her last line* "i love it when i wax lyrical..." )  
  
*Mitsuno's doing a war dance on top of The Box*  
  
Mitsuno: "BURN, BABY BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Dilandau: *dancing on top of chairs* "MOERO! MOOOEEERRROOOOOOOO!!!!" *evil laughter* "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"   
  
*The pyro stops moving long enough to take a swig out of a bottle. He grabs a torch and spits out whatever he drank, making a makeshift flame thrower of his own. Of course, everything in its wake buuuurrrrrnnnnns*  
  
Dilandau: "WAY TO GO, KID! BURN HIM, BURN HIM, SEND HIM TO HELL!!!!"  
  
*Other side of stadium, which is NOT on fire*  
  
James: *sniffs air* "Frog legs..."  
  
Meowth: *sniffs* "Mongolian barbecue..."  
  
*Finally, after about five minutes--pausing only at the halfway mark to throw spicy pineapple glaze at Jaken and put on a pair of sunglasses--Rin turns off the FlareMasterX1500*  
  
Sairen: *sniffs and drools* "...Mnnnn....that smells absolutely DIVINE!!!"  
  
*Grabs fork and heads over to the ring*  
  
James: "Hey! That broad's trying to steal our dinner!"  
  
Jessey: "Don't just sit there! Let's get it before SHE does!"  
  
*Team Rocket rockets down to the ring. All four get there at the same time, but not before Saiyan*  
  
Saiyan: *takes one look at Jaken, who's still steaming* "Needless to say...This match goes to--"  
  
Sairen: *interrupts* "Hold it, Saiyan. We need a taste-test."  
  
Saiyan: *confused eye twitch* "Wa...What?"  
  
Jessey: "She's right. Everyone knows that after a dish is completed, a taste-test is required."  
  
Saiyan: *skeptical* "You guys didn't rush over to eat InuYasha when Sairen fried HIM!"  
  
James: *wrinkles nose* "That would have been the equivalent to devouring insects that land in your bug zapper tray!"  
  
Sairen: "Dry as a bone, WITHOUT marinade!"  
  
Mitsuno: *from Box* "...ewwww...." *disgusted look on face*  
  
Naraku: "That's just nasty..." .()  
  
Sesshoumaru: ...  
  
Saiyan: *sighs* "Ok, fine. You can have your bloody taste test. Just hurry it up, I don't wanna miss any more of Trigun than I have to!"  
  
*Team Rocket and Sairen already have a shiny low table of dark wood with candles, chop sticks and glasses of wine set up in the middle of the ring, and fluffy cushions around it. In the background, a three-instrument band begins to play a soft, lilting tune*  
  
Saiyan: "Why do I ALWAYS get stuck with the weird people?"  
  
*Rin brings over the main course on a platter. Placing it in the center of the table, she serves up the Jaken*  
  
Mitsuno: *whines* "I want sooooommmme!!!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: *nose slightly twitches* "For human food, it DOES have a delicious scent..."  
  
*The group begins eating*  
  
James: *chew, chew* "Mmm...this is one of the best things I've ever eaten!"  
  
Jessey: *swallows* "The hot peppers add to the sweet taste of the pineapple...very good indeed!"  
  
Sairen: "Simply put: Yum, yum!"  
  
Meowth: *mouth full of, well, the frog formerly known as Jaken* *barely chews before swallowing* "...can't talk, eating..." *wolfs down more*  
  
Saiyan: *impatiently checking watch* "And your ruling...judges..."  
  
*Rin crosses her fingers*  
  
*Score board appears below table*  
  
10 10 10 1  
  
*Audience gasp at the last score*  
  
Sairen: *waves fork with piece of meat on it near the cat's face* "Meowth! Take your paw off the zero!"  
  
Meowth: *munch munch* "Sorry!" *tries to eat food on fork, but Sairen takes it back*  
  
10  
  
Saiyan: "Rin gets a perfect score from all four judges, making her both the winner of the match and a master chef to boot!"  
  
Rin: "YAHOOO!!!!!!"   
  
*What's left of the audience cheers, Dilandau among the loudest, along with Kaga Takeshi and Japanese Iron Chef Morimoto (DarkFlame136: "i THINK i spelled his name right")*  
  
Mitsuno: "She's made all pyros and chefs proud with her brilliant display of open-flame barbecue with the help of the FlareMasterX1500!"  
  
Rin: *blushes* "The sauce is what makes it happen, and that's a secret recipe from the lady of my village back home!"  
  
Sairen: *calls over* "Mitsuno! You GOTTA try this!"  
  
Mitsuno: "Save me a leg!"  
  
Sairen: *thumbs up* "Hey, Naraku, you might like this, too!"  
  
*Everyone in The Box makes a beeline for the ring. Even Sesshoumaru has a taste*  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Not bad. Not bad at all. I guess in the end Jaken really WAS good for something!"  
  
Naraku: *in between mouthfulls* "Yeah, a post-match snack!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of last-minute enjoyments..." *finds Yue in the crowd* "I suggest my opponent lives these next hours like he would his last night on earth, being that it is!"  
  
Yue: *feigns deep thought* "You know, I've always wanted a concubine, though you seem to be the only one around at the moment..."  
  
ClowReed: *winces* "Ooh, MAJOR burn!"  
  
*Yue smiles coldly at the enraged expression on Sesshoumaru's normally placid vissage*  
  
Yue: "Bow down, bitch!"  
  
*Saiyan barely manages to hold back Sesshoumaru, who then decides to use his more...advanced vocabulary, none of which is suitable to repeat here due to the rating of this faniction*  
  
Sesshoumaru: *shouting across the arena, eyes blazing in fury* " ::gosh darn:: YOU ::quite hated:: SON OF A ::unshameful woman:: BITCH! GO ::preform something physically impossible to:: YOURSELF, YOU DIRTY PIECE OF HORSE ::feces::! ::anus opening::! ::daggon, maternal loving:: CROSS-DRESSING ::fatherless son::! GO TO HELL, BLEACH-HAIRED ::poopie:: HEAD!!! ::screw:: YOUR :female dog-:: ASS, YUE!! ::screw:: IT ALL THE WAY TO THE ::bloody:: ROCK YOU CRAWLED FROM, ::anus opening::!!!!!"  
  
Kagome: *eyes wide, having trouble finding her voice* "My...That was...like...ten times worse than you, Inuyasha!"  
  
Iuyasha: *absolutely shocked beyond words, and not because of how his own fight ended*  
  
Naraku: O.O  
  
Saiyan: "::crap::, that was even worse than Dairen!"  
  
Dairen: *nods approvingly* " 'twas indeed quite worthy of praise, dear brother!" *does one-hand rich British-dude clap* "Good show, man! Brav-o! Brav-o!"  
  
Mitsuno: *sweatdrop* "Well...at least Rashim's quick at the censor button!"  
  
*Rashim gives a thumbs-up from behind the sound system, waving a buzzer in the air with his other hand. During Sesshoumaru's little episode, Dilandau enters the ring as well*  
  
Dilandau: *goes up to Rin, who's a bit confused at all the strange words her guardian just shouted at the man who looks like him* "Hello, little girl. What's you name?"  
  
Rin: *a little spaced-out* "...Oh, I sorry. Hi, my name Rin. What's yours?"  
  
Dilandau: "Just call me Lord Dilandau." *pauses for a moment, eying his most prized possession* "That's some work you did with that flame thrower, Rin!"  
  
Rin: *spaced* o.o *shakes head* "...Um...thank you, Dilandau-sama!"  
  
Dilandau: "You know, with skills like that, you could be a DragonSlayer with a little training..."  
  
Sesshoumaru: *turns from flipping off a pissed off Yue* "Rin a DragonSlayer? She has next to no experience with those beasts! And it's too dangerous!"  
  
Dilandau: "It is NOT! I've YET to lose a man--or woman, but that's just because I don't have any on my team!"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "No. Rin may be pretty good with a flame thrower, but she has yet to pick up a sword and I'd prefer it if she does not."  
  
Dilandau: *slightly annoyed* "May I remind you who's FlareMasterX1500 that was in the FIRST place, Sesshoumaru?"  
  
Sesshoumaru: "It's LORD Sesshoumaru to you, human!" *sniffs a little* "...though I sense you are not like the others of your kind."  
  
Dilandau: *smiles* "And don't you forget it, either, LORD Sesshoumaru." *turns to Rin, who's giving the FlareMasterX1500 a once-over* "Come on, Rin, don't you want to come with me and become famous?"  
  
Rin: *shocked* "Go with Dilly-sama and leave Sessa-sama?"  
  
Dilandau: *twitch* 'Does she give EVERYONE a nickname?'  
  
*Rin shakes her head wildly*  
  
Rin: "Rin don't wanna leave! Rin kill Jaken so he can't keep Sesshoumaru to himself!"  
  
Dilandau: *nods approvingly* "I'm telling you, that girl has potential..."  
  
Sesshoumaru: "She's made her choice. Rin wants to stay." *glares challengingly at Dilandau, who shrugs as if he's not worried about it*  
  
Dilandau: *pulls a business card out of a pocket* "Here; just in case one of you changes your mind. And I might add that we could also use someone of your caliber in our unit. Folken Strategos says that with poison as corrosive as yours, we won't have to worry about ballistas and all that good stuff to tear down walls."   
  
*Sesshoumaru looks at the card as Dilandau lovingly gathers up his flame thrower (Dilandau: *all mushy* "Daddy missed you!" ~*SMOOCH!!!*~)*  
  
*card text*  
  
LORD DILANDAU ALBETOU  
  
COMMANDER OF ZIBACH'S ELITE SPECIAL UNIT (aka: DRAGONSLAYERS)  
  
CONTACT: FLOATING FORTRESS # 2, SUITE 666  
  
SOMEWHERE IN THE SKY, ZIBACH EMPIRE, 42108-342  
  
OR  
  
ANYWHERE THERE'S A MASS FIRE, GAIA (no zip required)  
  
*end cart text*  
  
Sesshoumaru: "Good grief." -_-* "Let's go, Rin. I'll buy you an ice cream."  
  
Rin: *cheers* "YAY!!"  
  
*They exit ring*  
  
Yue: *still smouldering* "Rotten Inu...that mutt's gonna PAY!!!!"  
  
Sairen: "Aw, Mitsuno, can't we just have this fight today?"  
  
Mitsuno: *thinks for sec, then shakes head* "No can do. I'm wiped out. We always give our fighters at least a day to prepare, anyway."  
  
Sairen: *whines* "But I wanna see it NOOOOOW!!!"  
  
Mitsuno: -_-o "Do what you want; I'm going to bed" *disappears in burst of flame*  
  
Sairen: *growls* "Oh, that's great! She left ME to wrap up!"  
  
Naraku: "I'm still here, too, you know!"  
  
Sairen: "You're just the VIP. You're not even an official employee!"  
  
Naraku: "So? You didn't seem to care earlier."  
  
Sairen: *death glare* "See everyone at the next round, where you can find out whether or not THIS guy makes it!"  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Guess what everyone? the other day when i was looking up the name of one of Sakura's friends, i found out that i have the same birthday as Madison and one of my stepsisters has the same one as Miss Mekinsie. is that cool or what? and you know what else is weird? how i remember all those dang Pokémon and the other characters without having to look them up... -_-;;;  
  
*in a moment of self-congradualtion* Personally, i think this is my funniest chapter, and i KNOW it's the longest so far. i hope it's been worth the read, though. and in case anyone's wondering, i got the censor part from a radio commercial i heard years ago, where this couple was arguing and the naughty words were replaced with the clean version by this other guy with a deadpan voice. the "Brav-o!" comes from this one episode of the Proud Family (Disney Channel, lol) where Penny gets the lead in "Romeo and Juliet"; Dijoné and the director dude say it. Ain't it scary how i remember all this? 


	6. Intermission ::cue Track 8 from Aneama::

~*~Intermission (*cue Track 8 from Aneama*) ~*~  
  
*sigh* me encanta Tool. How 'bout you people?  
  
^_^ it's been a while, everyone. Thank you for your reviews, it makes me feel muy buena to know that someone loves my work. Lol. I feel like a manga creator writing this in the side column. I bought my first graphic novel last Saturday--it's Fushigi Yuugi. Must buy the rest…  
  
On with the GrudgeMatch! sortta.  
  
DarkFlame136  
  
********************************************************************************************  
  
*~a couple of hours after the third Round, when all the fires in the arena have been put out. for the most part.~*  
  
*tick tock* *tick tock*  
  
*tap tap* *tap tap*  
  
There were six beings in DarkFlame's office, yet nothing could be heard in the room besides the ticking clock and her long, black fingernails tapping on her ebony desk. Nothing could be seen besides the scowl over her blood red lips, the snow white Invoice in front of her, and the transparent anime sweat drops on the back of two heads.  
  
The tapping ceased. "Well? Neither of you have anything to say about this?"  
  
"Er..." Rin began. Dilandau remained silent.  
  
Folken sighed. Sesshoumaru gave one of his little smirks.  
  
"If it is going to be this much of a problem, I will take responsibility."  
  
"You WILL?" everyone except DarkFlame blurted out.  
  
Getting out his checkbook, Folken wrote something down and tore out a check with a nifty charcoal feather background. "This should take care of the Invoice." He slid it across the desk to the woman sitting behind it.  
  
"Thank you, Lord Folken." She looked at the figure. "Yes, this will cover the Invoice for repairs. However...that's not what I was worried about."  
  
"...Excuse me?"  
  
DarkFlame smiled. "Thankies for the check, though!"  
  
Folken and Dilandau crashed to the floor. Rin giggled.   
  
In the shadows next to DarkFlame, Mitsuno sighed. 'At least she didn't peg ME for this!'  
  
"Oh, you are pegged, no doubt," DarkFlame said to her.   
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"It's nothing personal, Mitsuno, but a good 3/4 of the stadium was gutted. One COULD chalk that up to a lack of security..."  
  
"Oh, so it's MY fault a FlareMasterX1500 got past two vampires?"  
  
"And a Fire Elemental."  
  
Mitsuno, having absolutely nothing to say to that, simply growled.  
  
"Either way, we need to figure out what to do while the arena's getting fixed, because it will NOT be done in time for tomorrow night."  
  
"It does not have to be."  
  
Everyone turned to the one who spoke. DarkFlame narrowed her eyes. "Hmn...go on. Sesshoumaru."  
  
"Usually when a match occurs, damage is done to the building and/or the audience, correct?"  
  
She thought for a moment. "Yes, that HAS been a bit of an issue."  
  
"And all of this is before you have had a round with any strong demons." Sesshoumaru paused. "Do not take this the wrong way, but I am NOT going to worry about the upholstery and a few stray mortals during my match."  
  
"That's right," Mitsuno added, "and Yue gets his power from the moon. He'd be at a disadvantage if Sesshoumaru plans on going all-out and he can't. Besides…we need to replace half of the ceiling, anyway," she finished a bit sheepish.  
  
*sigh* "That we do, Mitsuno, that we do. I think everyone will like different scenery, anyway, and it will take less time if we don't have to worry about the roof getting fixed. Open air match, it is!"  
  
"Ooh, ooh, an I help tear the roof off?" an excited Dilandau was practically jumping up and down in his seat.  
  
DarkFlame sighed yet again. "Yes, Dilandau, you can help tear the roof off. Don't destroy the rest of the arena, though, because I WILL kick your ass this time!"  
  
If he heard her last remark, he really didn't act like it. "All RIGHT!!!" he bolted out of the room.  
  
With a groan, she buried her face in her hands. "Folken--"  
  
"I'll keep an eye on him." Said Draconian left after his albino charge.  
  
Mitsuno turned to the other pair. "So. What are you guys going to do?"  
  
"At this moment, I am not sure. It might not be a good idea for Rin to see the match. It will get ugly, and not just because of Yue's face."  
  
"Ooh, them's fightin' words!" she commented. "But what would Rin do in the meantime? I can't think of anyone to watch over her, since everyone will be watching you and Yue go at it."  
  
"I'll do it." the other woman offered. "If Rin doesn't mind."  
  
The girl looked at DarkFlame. "I don't mind. I like you!"  
  
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. 'She doesn't normally take to anyone else.' "That settle that, then. I will return when I finish with girlie-man, which should not take very much time."  
  
Mitsuno made a critical sound as he swept out of the room. "I don't know who to root for--Sesshoumaru for his confidence or Yue for actually going through with this. From what I understand, he doesn't accept challenges that he thinks are beneath him."  
  
"You have to admit, though, they WERE ready to kill each other a few hours ago," DarkFlame pointed out. "Speaking of killing...would you do me a favor and make sure that Dairen and Saiyan haven't drained any more of the firemen? I know they haven't eaten in a while, but I'd like to make sure that the stadium doesn't have any more small fires or funky livewires before we remodel the part that was trashed. "  
  
"Er...I'm a little hungry myself." the redhead admitted. "Can I have a few after? Pleeeeeeeeeeeese?"  
  
DarkFlame made a face. "I'm not dealing with any animated corpses."  
  
"They won't be. I feed on energy, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, that, too. No dead--or undead--bodies, Mitsuno."  
  
"Fine, fine. I'll make sure no one dines on the construction crew that's coming in afterwards as well." Without waiting for a reply, she disappeared.  
  
Rin blinked. "Animated corpses?"  
  
The older woman shook her head. "Please don't ask."  
  
********************************************************************************************  
  
hey, there, people. i've been working on the next round on and off. either way, it's time for a little audience participation that does NOT involve dodging enchanted arrows or columns of flame. actually, it's a bit of a psuedo-contest:  
  
Who do you think will be the next referee?  
  
a.) the Grim Reaper  
  
b.) Sailor Saturn  
  
c.) Satan  
  
d.) Allen Schezar  
  
Whoever guesses correctly gets a plushie of themselves! well, a virtual one, anyway. lol. i don't know what you people look like, anyway. 


	7. Round IV, Part I: Sesshoumaru vsYue!

Hiya, peoples. Thank you all for the reviews (and the wait); i'm glad you enjoy this inspired yet insane fanfiction :)   
This chapter actually started in Round II. What the hell am i talking about? Remember in Round II when Naraku and Mitsuno thought Sairen was losing it because she said she saw Sesshoumaru in the pocky line twice? And in Round III, we finally found out what in the world was going on. See, i AM capable of a complex plot! (and that's all the plot this story's getting, Archangel38, except for the little twist that comes at Round VI. So don't hurt me!)   
i guess one can call this Round the climax, for you literary buffs. For all of you who just like a good fanfic, i guess one can call this the next installment. A warning, though: it has a few more "foreign frazes", if you get my drift, so if you don't like too much cursing, skip this one. Although between this and the next chapter, i might have to bump up the rating ^_^o.  
DarkFlame136  
  
Hotaru-chan, Meilisa-chan...Guess who's making a guest appearance?   
Happy (much belated) Birthday! ^_^ o  
…and Merry Christmas to 'yas!

…and Happy New Year! *sigh* 'took WAY too long to write this *bleep*

*glares at Rashim, who still has the censor button*

Ps: anyone reading this from Boston? i put a lil' somethin' in here just for you people, since i happened to be at school there during the time when…well, you'll know the part when you see it =^_^=

Small note--in this fic, for the sake of simplicity, Sesshoumaru has both arms functioning, Sakura has passed the Final Judgement yet all the cards are still Clow, and Reed himself is an adult while Kero is in his dollie form since Cerberus couldn't get past security ^^;;.

  
  
~*~Round IV: Sesshoumaru vs....Yue?!~*~  
  
*Arena shot. The place is NOT what it used to be. The roof, for starters, looks like the top of a convertible, and not without reason. Also, since most of the seats had either fire and/or water damage, all of the interior had a serious makeover. One of the walls on the side seating the human audience--possibly the one Kagome made an impression in during Round I--had been knocked out to create a dining area surrounded by the food stations/booths, kinda like at the food court in a mall. Not only was it a good idea, but it would also take care of the various vendor complaints (I.e. magic arrows killing their chefs, their stand being burned, etc. etc.). As for the audience seating area…the aisles have these nifty row lights (think airplane floor) and the chairs were reupholstered with red, black and royal blue cushioning since Mitsuno, DarkFlame, and Sairen couldn't agree on one color. Also equipped into the arms of the chairs was a miniature computer pad used for things such as voting on who the guest referee would be for the next round =^_^= *

Sairen and Mitsuno, fresh from the dining area, are talking excitedly on their way back to The Box, a silent Naraku following. The two Elementals suddenly spot a Mysterious announcer dude.  
  
Mysterious announcer dude: *mysterious voice* "On our last episode of Anime GrudgeMatch 2003, Sesshoumaru, Inu Demon Lord of the West, challenged Yue of the Moon, the former Judge of the Cards, to a match. Obviously, this challenge has been accepted; otherwise, we wouldn't be here right now."  
"Now, after one pocky booth, two rounds of confusion, and countless insults, the time has finally come for these two enigmas to battle it out over which one of them deserves to walk around looking that gorgeous."  
  
They stop dead in their tracks, causing Naraku, who stopped by the Cinnabon before catching up with the girls, to slam right into them and get a face full of frosting and cinnamon.  
  
"Dude! It's a Mysterious announcer dude!" 

Mitsuno points accusingly at the guy in the trench coat. "What the hell are you doing over here? WE'RE the hosts of this show!"  
  
The announcer looks nervous. "I was just...like, you know...creating an atmosphere!"  
  
"I'll show you atmosphere!" Sairen creates and unleashes a giant whirlwind.   
  
Mitsuno, knowing how eccentric her best friend can get, jumps back at least twelve feet. "Naraku! You might want to get back here where it's kinda safe!"  
  
Naraku's wiping the icing from off his nose and licking his fingers. "Where it's 'KINDA' safe?"   
  
Mitsuno shrugs. "As long as she doesn't have to chase him around with that thing, we should be OK over here."  
  
The tornado moves towards the announcer, who freezes in terror.  
  
Scared shitless announcer dude: O,O;;  
  
Finally finding his legs, he hauls ass out of the area.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!!"  
  
He does not get very far before the whirlwind sucks him up, trench coat and all.  
  
"STAY THE HELL OUT OF OUR BOX, YOU POSER!!!" Sairen shouts after the storm, which makes its way back up the aisle (Naraku and Mitsuno jump out of the way just in time).   
  
Saiyan and Dairen, both on security duty, are still taking tickets at the door at the end of the aisle. Mitsuno sees them and shouts a warning. "Hey, guys! Down in front!"  
  
"What? I can't hear you over the noise!" Saiyan shouts back down before really thinking about it. "Well, I CAN, but I CAN'T, you know?" he glances over in Mitsuno's direction, "But I definitely cannot see you because of that stupid whirlwind in the aisle."  
  
Dairen's head whips up. "What did you say?" he turns his head. "HOLY, SHIT!"  
  
"Um..." Saiyan yells out the door, "Everyone who's still outside--"  
  
"GET THE FU*K OUT THE WAY!!!!" Dairen screams, grabbing his brother and diving to the side right as the storm reaches them. Full of sound and furry (along with the announcer and any other stray people it picked up on the way), Sairen's tornado blows out the door. Outside, one can hear a number of beings cursing and scattering to avoid being sucked in.  
  
Demon hanging on to lamp post: *screams over wind* "Why can't I ever come here without something going wrong?"  
  
Human hanging on to demon hanging on to lamp post: *yells back* "I've barely recovered from the mosh pit myself, AND I have a second degree burn from last night's fiasco!"

Once Mitsuno and Naraku get to The Box, and everyone (not blown away) returned to their seats, the former and Sairen get this party started, 'yo. Lol.

Mitsuno: ¡ y bienvenidos otra vez! Anoche, tenemos una sopresa para Ustedes!

*Saiyan, Dairen and a few helpers hold giant cue cards in front of the audience sections*

cue cards: "And welcome once again! Tonight, we have a surprise for you!"

*written in smaller script underneath the translation on Saiyan's card* _'hopefully it's the rest of this fic being in English'_

*snickers from the demon side*

Mitsuno: "Hmn. 'wonder what's so funny?"

Sairen: *shrug* "They're demons--what do you expect? One of them probably farted or something."

Naraku: *makes face* "I resent that."

Sairen: " 'don't see why; you're all gas, anyway."

Mitsuno: *Hurriedly* "Ok, people. You're all probably wondering why neither Saiyan nor Dairen are in the ring."

Sairen: "This is because we have a guest referee tonight!"

*from Tenchi cast seats*

Washu: "A HAH! I KNEW that rumor of an audience poll before the show wasn't just gossip!"

Sairen: "Right you are, Washu!" *reaches in bag off to the side and translocates her a kwaii chibi plushie of…well…herself*

Washu: "Oh, wow! I'm a chibi!" *cuddles* "Aren't I just adorable?"

Ryoko: *scratches head* "Whatever you say, hon."

Mitsuno: "Don't worry, folks. We have plushies of EVERYBODY…who guesses correctly, that is!"

Sairen: "Allrighty, then everyone. Time to cast your votes and win that adorable plushie of none other than you!"

Mitsuno: "Who is the next guest referee? Hotaru the Senshi of Destruction; Schezar the Manwhore of Gaea--"

Allen Schezar: "Hey!" *sulks* "I resemble that…"

Mitsuno: "--Satan Himself; or Dairen's patron saint, the Grim Reaper?"

Naraku: "Isn't Death yours as well?"

Sairen: *confused* "Huh? I thought hers was Dilandau?"

Mitsuno: "Nah. I changed it to Arucard after we watched Hellsing last week, remember?"

Sairen: "Doesn't he dress almost exactly like Vash the Stampede, complete with black and silver guns?"

Mitsuno: "Oi, chika. There's no WAY Vash could have had that look first. Arucard's been around for way longer!"

Vash: *tsch* "That just means he'll die first!"

Arucard: (from behind Vash) *emotionless grin* "Hmn. It's a little late for that, boy."

Vash: "…eep!" @_@

Naraku: "It's probably because he has a big hat."

Sairen: "Maybe…but D has a big hat AND he's a vampire. Maybe it's the hat AND the red trench coat…"

*from somewhere between the human and demon seating areas*

D's left hand: "See? I TOLD you you dress bad!"

D: "…"

Mitsuno: -_p "N-E-Way, start punchin' buttons, people. Those of you with the right idea will have your seat numbers highlighted on the computer screen." *jerks thumb over towards Shalmar and Rashim, who cheerfully wave back*

*meantime, the Jeopardy theme plays in the background as people key in their responses.*

Naruto: *panics* "I never WAS good at tests!" *tries peeking at Sakura's keypad*

Sakura: ¬ _¬ "…don't even think about it!!"

Naruto: *whines* "But I want a plushie so I can show everyone when I become Hokage!" 

Sasuke: "Naruto. This is probably mostly about chance and/or luck. I can't even use Sharingan on this…"

Naruto: "Unless there are some people hidden in the audience who know the answer!" *jumps on top of chair and 'scouts' around*

Sakura & Sasuke: -_-;;

*end Jeopardy theme*

Rashim: *pushes buttons* "Well, let's see which seats to toss those plushies from hell to." *shudders* "Some likenesses should NOT be made into children's toys!"

Shalmar: "I'd still like to know how Sairen and Mitsuno knew which dolls to have made."

Naraku: "Yes..how DID you two figure that out?"

Mitsuno: "With a little help from the Time Card."

*flash to Card Captor Sakura section, where Li, like Naruto, has jumped on the top of his seat like some crazed schizoid neko*

Li: *shouting* "What did you say? That's impossible! I have that card right--" *goes in pockets only to find--* "What the hell?! a LOG?!?"

Sairen: =^_^= "Teeheehee…I love that jitsu!"

Madison: "But, how could they have released the magic? They're not guardians, and they don't seem to be related to Clow Reed…" *looks at Clow, who's just as confused*

Clow Reed: "I don't think we're related. Trust me, I'd know."

Mitsuno: "Well…we ARE the hosts."

Sairen: "And Elementals."

Mitsuno: "So in short, we can do whatever the hell we wanna!"

Sairen: *absently examines the Time Card from various angles* "Oh, the power…"

Mitsuno: "Speaking of which," *looks at newly installed screen in The Box* "translocate those plushies, Sairen. I'll read off the seat numbers and the names of the ones you pick out to make it easier."

Sairen: "Will do." *pulls out the entire bag of stuffed dolls* "Congrads to all you winners! You have been given immortality as a kwaii little dollie!"

Naraku: *mutters* "Or at least until an animal chews it up."

*she ignores him (as usual) and begins sending the dolls one by one to the people/seat numbers Mitsuno specifies. One of the sections to get a surprise was no other than the DBZ area*

Vegeta: *blinks as a plushie materializes in his lap* "Good GOD!"

Goku: *points and laughs* "HAHA! You're a cute little chibi doll!"

Bulma: *takes plushie and cuddles it* "Awww…it's so CUTE!"

Vegeta: *shudders* "Take it with my blessing! Just keep it away!"

*human side of the audience*

Jennifer V.: *chibi version of her pops out of the air in front of her* "MY plushie!!!!" *grabs doll* 

Krystal P.: *yells* "Oi! Why the hell didn't I get one?

Mitsuno: *yells back* "You didn't even vote!"

Krystal: "WTF?!?!?!?! I WANT MY DAMN PLUSHIE!!!!" *cries*

Sairen: *huge sigh* " 'damn good thing someone DID see this coming!" *fishes through the bag for her doll and sends it to her*

Krystal: *jumps up and grabs chibi doll* "Yay!"

Mitsuno: "But…we didn't see her in the future the Time Card showed."

Sairen: "No…DarkFlame said to make her one, anyway, so we don't have to end up adding another fight to the roster."

(DarkFlame: lol. You two are on the same account, anyway, so I guess both of you win ^____________^ )

*Lupin III cast section, where everyone except Inspector Zenigata gets a dollie*

Goemon: "Hey, look…they even included my sword!" *pulls a rather sharp looking blade out of the little sheath* "Very detailed indeed."

Jigen: *laughs* "Yeah. Lupin's looks kinda goofy!"

Lupin: "Hey!" *smiles at his chibi doll* "I think he's quite handsome, thank you!"

Fujiko: *stares sideways at hers* "Are these things to scale or something? There's no way my boobs are THAT large!"

Lupin: *being the perv he is, he tries to literally reach out and touch someone* "That's the problem with dolls, Fujicakes. None of the parts are real--OW!"

Fujiko: *whacks him with her purse a second time* "Have you no public manners, Lupin?"

Zenigata: *sad* "That's not fair…how come THEY got a plushie?" *sniffle*

Goemon: "It's quite simple, really. Around here, the answer is probably the least probable, so two of the choices were knocked out automatically."

Jigen: "And that just left the ladies--I mean, the lady and the cross-dresser--I mean, *sigh* you know who the hell I'm talking about…Schaza…Scissor…Schizermynizzer…"

"S C H E Z A R ! ! !" someone screams from afar.

Jigen: "Yeah, that guy…" };)

Fujiko: "And since we already have two pretty boys in the ring, why would we add a third? They'd probably slaughter him and then there wouldn't even BE a referee!"

Zenigata: "I see…so that just leaves…"

Sairen: "Ladies and gents, boys and girls, we will now reveal the guest host for those of you who still don't get it! Give it up for the Senshi of Destruction herself--SAILOR SATURN!!!!"

*a techno version of "Saturn's theme" blasts on the speakers along with the cheers of the audience as Hotaru rises up through the floor of the ring amidst the smoke, strobe lights and a downright bitchin' laser show*

*Sailor Moon seats*

Rini: "Way to go, Hotaru!"

Rei: " 'Atta girl!"

Minako: "Yeah, Saturn! Don't take any shit from any of those incredibly hot, sexy…I mean…yeah…"

Makoto: *screams* "WOOOOOO!!!!! YANKEYS DOWN, COWBOY UP!"

Seiya: "Um…this isn't the game at Fenway, Makoto…"

Ami: "It's a little like the Red Sox games earlier this fall--"

Yaten: *tsch* "I don't see how, since this isn't baseball, Ami--"

Ami: *glares at him* "I was going to say it's because no matter what the outcome is, there's going to be two rabid, angry mobs of fans--one cheering and running around, the other destroying things, both screaming and flipping cars over."

Yaten: "Oh, no! My Porsche!" *runs out to save his precious car, though everyone knows he's more worried about his hair getting messed up* 

Everyone elese: -_-;;

*on the demon side*

Random dissenter: "What? That little girl is the ref? What the hell is this, some kind of joke?"

*Saturn, from the ring, immediately picks out the unfortunate bigmouth and promptly disintegrates his ass*

Naraku: *whistles* "My kind of woman!"

Saturn: *turns towards him with an emotionless stare, then flips back her hair* "Hmn."

Sairen: "Buuuuuuuuuuurnnnnnnnnn…."

Mitsuno: O.o;; "…as much as I don't like saying this, let's not have any of THAT this time around."

Sairen: *blink, blink* "…you're a Fire Elemental. How can you NOT hope for a bonfire like last time?"

Mitsuno: *glares* "Because it's coming out of MY paycheck this time!"

Sairen & Naraku: "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH……." 

Mitsuno: "So let's get this started already. Proving he has the capacity to show more than one disinterested expression, we had to keep this guy from sucker punching the challenger when passing him in the hall. Ladies and Gents and…"

*catches a glimpse of Kamlyn from the Inu Yasha section, along with the Sailor Stars* 

*giant sweat drop* "…whatever else is out there…put 'em together for that O-So-Sexay Demon Lord of the West, Sesshoumaru!"

*our slightly frosty demon dog--surrounded by Jarga's guards--steps in lightly to the instrumental version of "Tamashii no Rufuran" (the one with the violins and the harp…*sighs* I love that version of "Soul's Refrain"!), which can barely be heard over the crazed screams of rabid fan girls. In fact, a group of them has managed to climb out of the stands and tries to bum rush the guards*

Sairen: "What the ::frig::?!? I thought we had the bars separating the walkway from the chairs electrified?"

Mitsuno: "We DO. Why in the nine hells they're not turned on is what I want to know!" *glares at Saiyan*

Saiyan: *glares right back at her* "I DID turn them on!"

Dairen: "I can't hear any electricity in them." *walks over to circuit box, tripping over something as soon as he gets over there* " 'the hell…" *looks down* "That's just sick!" *looks at open circuit box* "someone cut the wires to the electric bars!"

Sairen: "And it's sloppy…who would be dumb enough to leave the wire cutters over there and the box open?"

Blond fan girl: "Like, OMG! They found out! I told you they were, like, psychic or something!"

Red-haired fan girl: "Who cares?!" *turns around and gives a rather loud battle cry* "FLUFFY-SAMA!!!!!" *runs down the aisle*

*the rest of the group follows suit, adding their own high-pitched screams to the mix. However, Jarga's guards were ready for the little powder puffs. As soon as they were in range, the front two activated their nifty large, black shields with the sound waves that can take down just about anything*

*a noise like someone hammering a gong resonates through the air, where the sound waves can be seen floating towards the screaming preteens, then colliding with them, sending all seven of them flying backwards a good ten feet*

Group of not-so-rabid fan girls pilled up: _~~(( @v@ )) ~~_

Blond fan girl: "…like…ouch…"

Naraku: *whistles* "Damn, they're good."

Mitsuno: *smiles* "That they are. I'm glad we DID decide to hire them!"

Sairen: "We couldn't have done it without you, Jarga!"

*Jarga, in full armor with an extremely confident smile of her own, gives a salute from the Wolf's Rain section*

Darcia III: *tsch* "Show-off…"

Jarga: *blows him a kiss* ~~_SMOOCH!~~_ ^_~

*back to The Box*

Sairen: "Ok, now for our next bishounen…also usually cold and disinterested, the challenger became quite heated over the situation in our last Round, and has accepted Sesshoumaru's invitation into the ring. Battling for the right to wear the face, hair, and aura of self-centeredness, let's make some noise for Judge Jud--er, former Judge…no, that's not right. Whatever--it's Yue, everybody!!"

Naraku: "Wow. Even I can't cover for that ::mess:: up!"

Sairen: -_p*

*as Sairen beats the crap outta Naraku, Yue, like Sesshoumaru, enters with his own entourage of Jarga's guards marching out along with him. Also like Sesshoumaru, he has chosen a song from Evangelion, his being the MIDI version of "Cruel Angel's Thesis". Despite the screaming fan girls, not one of them was brave enough to try bum-rushing _him_--whether out of fear for their health or fingernails and outfits is another story for another time.*

Saiyan: *aside to Dairen* "What the hell is this? MIDI day?"

Dairen: *shrugs* "Beats me. Personally, I thought one of them was coming in to "Too Sexy" !"

*Yue enters the ring, where Sesshoumaru is already standing with his arms folded*

Sesshoumaru: "Well, well. Glad you could pull yourself away from your dressing room mirror. It shall be a pleasure to punch in your pointed nose."

Yue: *glares* "Hmn. Big words for a color-blind dog with a tiny brain and no fashion sense, seeing that you are still attached to that giant pink feathery boa and tie-dye ribbon!"

Sesshoumaru: *smirk* "I would not talk about being color-blind if I were wearing green and red plaid boxers with a white outfit--"

*an indignant Yue looks down and pulls up his pants around the corner of his underwear showing*

"--and my style happens to be original. Unlike some people here, who can't even pick their own damn music!"

Yue: "Oh, go piss on a hydrant."

Sesshoumaru: "Bite my ass, mother f--"

Mitsuno: "Allright, everyone, let's just start this before the authoress has to raise the rating on this fic!"

Sairen: "Hotaru, when ever you're ready, hon."

*from The Ring, Sailor Saturn nods*

Saturn: "The rules of this match are simple. The first to die loses."

Yue: "Sounds simple enough."

Sesshoumaru: "I'm surprised you caught it, Scatterbrain of the Moon."

Yue: "Well…not quite. Would you like to go FETCH it for me?"

*Sesshoumaru moves to rip out his eyes, but Saturn blocks him with her scythe.*

Saturn: "I am not finished yet. Unlike the other matches, it is also an automatic loss to whoever has three fouls or stays out of the ring or on the ground for more than thirteen seconds."

Naraku: *frowning while trying to heal his many scratch wounds* "Why such an odd number?"

Saturn: *fixes her eyes on him* "Because I like it."

Naraku: *holds up his hands in truce, not wanting to get trounced by another chick* "Whatever you say, lady!"

Saturn: *turns back to the two bleached blonds in The Ring* "This one will be open-air as well, so you both should be able to use your full powers, if you decide to." *looks at Sesshoumaru* "Do you plan on transforming, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru: *thinks about it* "Hmn…I should not need to, but, just in case, I would like to keep the option open."

Yue: *without expression* "Chicken?"

Sesshoumaru: "I had an early breakfast and missed lunch. I am assuming that is _exactly _what you will taste like." 

Saturn: "Very well then. Lord Yue, this gives you access to your full powers as well. Do you have all of the cards you require?"

*Yue pulls out a decent amount of Clow cards*

Yue: "Since the moon is full, I should be able to use my other powers in full as well."

Sesshoumaru: *thinks* _Weren't those the same conditions when that female fourth grader kicked your sorry ass?_ *smirks*

Yue: *narrows eyes* "What's so funny?"

Sesshoumaru: *lies* "Nothing."

Saturn: "Now that we have established this…Shalmar, the ceiling!"

Shalmar: *lip-synching and jamming in her seat to "Owari nai Yume"*

Rashim: *rolls his eyes and lifts up one side of her headphones* "Oi, sis. Hit the button."

Shalmar: "Will do." *still jammin', she hits the button*

~~Whirr~~

*like the roof on a Cadillac, the ceiling of the arena recedes, exposing the dark, starry sky and a full, bright moon.*

Audience: "Oooohhhh!!!!! Aaaaahhhhh!!!!"

All wolves in the audience: "GROWWOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Sairen: *sighs rubs her temples* "Ye gods…."

Naraku: *sighs as well* "Okami…go figure…"

Mitsuno: ¬ _¬ "…KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!"

*all howling stops, the only sound remaining is the chirping of crickets and some whimpering*

Toboe: *sniffle* "She didn't have to be mean about it…"

*next to him, Tsume shrugs as if to say, 'whatever'.* 

Tsume: "Whatever."

*the ceiling stops moving* **CLANK!**

Saturn: *raises a hand* "Fighters…ready…"

*Yue and Sesshoumaru both tense, preparing for battle*

Saturn: *quickly brings down her hand* "IKKE!"

*she jumps out of the way seconds before the two rush forward and take a swipe at each other*

CLANG, CLANG, SWOOSH!

*a three second midair battle takes place, with no one seeing what happened except trained fighters/superhumans and the upper-middle- to higher-class demons. Just as quickly, the two fighters land on opposite sides of the ring in one of those cramped looking stances, and, for some odd reason to the untrained eye, the Senshi of Destruction is standing in the center, weapon upraised as if she had just used it*

Sasuke: *blinks his red eyes* "…damn…"

Most of the entire casts of Dragon Ball Z/GT and Yu-Yu Hakusho: "You said it!"

Mitsuno: "And, for those of you who blinked, Yue and Sesshoumaru have began to literally take a swipe at each other. Well, two each, actually, with the third strike belonging to Sailor Saturn."

Naraku: "What? I only saw the two…" *feels rather embarrassed, especially since he just unwittingly admitted it*

Saturn: *in her usual calm tone* "Sesshoumaru…foul. That counter was uncalled for, and you know it!"

*Sesshoumaru, not looking the least bit sorry, gets up and faces his opponent. The spike armor over his left shoulder suddenly cracks and falls apart*

Saturn: "Yue…pull up your pants and find something to keep them up."

*Yue, holding onto two scimitars, stands as well*

Yue: "What are you talking about? I blocked that--"

*a small rustling of fabric can be heard only by those with excellent hearing, though all could see Yue's fabled red and green plaid boxers*

Everyone except fangirls: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

*meanwhile, the fan girls are all screaming their empty little heads off (lol) and some are even taking pictures*

Madison: "Oh, my!"

Li: "That has GOT to be embarrassing beyond words!"

Madison: *nods head in agreement* "Very. Plaid boxers with that outfit is a definite fashion 'no-no'!"

Clow Reed: "This match should prove interesting after all. I can't wait to see Yue's reaction to that little stunt!"

Yue: *face extremely red* "How DARE you…?!"

Sesshoumaru: *small chuckle* "Don't get _too_ excited…"

Yue: *pulls up his pants and holds them with one hand* "Might as well look while you can; I'm sure it's something _you've_ never seen before…"

Mitsuno: "Ooh, double burn!"

Sairen: "This fight is going to get real ugly, real quick. Case in point:"

*as she speaks, Sesshoumaru extends his claws and goes in for another fast lunge, Saturn again hopping out of the way. Yue, however, looks as if this is exactly what he wanted. Right at the last moment, he does a flip over his head, reaching out with his free hand. Sesshoumaru's first swipe misses, and the second tears the side of Yue's robe*

Sesshoumaru: "Ouch!" *touches the top of his head* "What the hell did you do?"

Yue: *first examines his damaged clothing, then the strands of hair he plucked out* "Hmn. I'll have to get that fixed. Unfortunately, due to the amount of razes and splits this one strand of your hair has, I seriously doubt that skinning you and auctioning your hide on E-Bay would cover the cost."

Naraku: "Then why exactly did he bother pulling out his hair?" *suddenly remembers what Saiyan had done to Inuyasha in the first Round* "Is he going to use a lunar spell?"

Yue: *overhearing Naraku, since he has on a mike* "Something like that…"

*the strands of hair begin to glow, then braid themselves and thicken*

Sairen: "Looks like Yue's made himself a little toy."

Mitsuno & Naraku: *give Sairen a funny look* o.Ô 

Sairen: *ignores Mitsuno & Naraku's funny look* "…yes, indeed. I do believe he has made a whip out of Sesshoumaru's hair!"

Yue: "Now we can put those damaged ends to use, eh, Sesshoumaru?" 

*He proceeds to flay him alive with his own hair. Sesshoumaru, on the defensive, blocks all of the attacks, though his arms become scratched and a little bloody in the process*

Sesshoumaru: *thinking* 'It's a good thing I DID decide to use that revitalizing conditioner after shampooing, or this might actually hurt!' *Yue's next strike is caught in Sesshoumaru's left hand, with the top half of the whip wrapping around his fist* "Sorry, Yue, but this is one of those cases where this will hurt you more than it will me instead of vice-versa."

*Sesshoumaru suddenly yanks the hair whip towards him. An unprepared Yue follows up until he is within arms length. Then--*

WHAM!

Mitsuno: "Damn, son!"

Sairen: "Sesshoumaru's punch has sent Yue flying back to the other side of the ring, where he will collide with the ropes--"

Naraku: "--but will they help or hinder him from going out of The Ring?"

*Yue hits the ropes, all right. But, like in one of those Daffy Duck and Wile E. Coyote cartoons, the ropes extend backwards from the force and snap forward with an equal and opposite reaction*

Yue: "Whoa…!"

Sairen: *raises an eyebrow* "I guess it helped him…" *trails off*

*Yue comes propelling back towards Sesshoumaru, who, instead of punching him, steps aside a bit and sticks out his arm.*

Yue: ~~GACKT!~~

BOOM!

Mitsuno: "Hell YES! WOOT, WOOT!!!!!"*raises fists into the air*

Sairen: "And yet another example of how we layeth the smaketh down here on GrudgeMatch, with Sesshoumaru giving Yue the mother of all clotheslines!"

Sakura: "Oh, no, Yue!"

Yue: @_@;;

Kero: "Yue! Quit playing around and kick his ass, already!" *mutters* "You're making us _look _bad…"

*Yue has still not moved from his spot on the floor, so Saturn begins counting*

Saturn: "One…two…three…"

Mitsuno: "Hold that count, Sailor, I think he's getting up!"

*Yue slowly manages to stand, rubbing his throat and glaring at the inu*

Yue: *in a lower-than-usual voice* "Hmn. It seems that you might prove a challenge after all."

Sesshoumaru: "You're not too bad yourself." *looks down at the hair whip at his feet, and allows some poison to drip from his claws and disintegrate it* "Now we are back to square one."

Yue: *slightly out of focus* "…Indeed we are…" *blinks once as if to clear his mind* "It's been fun, but I have other things to do tonight.

Sesshoumaru: "Like what, China? Make egg rolls?" *thinks* 'Actually, I _could _go for some Singapore Pancit…'

*a low rumbling sound jars him out of his thoughts. Sortta.*

Sesshoumaru: *makes a face* "…no way that's my stomach…" 

*from in front of the seating area behind him*

Saiyan: "Oh, GODS NO!"

Dairen: "I sincerely hope that's a false alarm!"

Mitsuno: *distracted by cracks forming in The Ring* "Um…guys. I really DON'T think he meant he has gas…" 

Naraku: *getting annoyed* "Why is it that everyone is suddenly so focused on bodily functions?"

Sairen: *tsch* "Aren't we sensitive tonight."

Naraku: "Hey, I have feelings, too, you know!"

Sairen: *hmph* "If you ask me, you're a little TOO sensitive--only an emotional basket case would ruin the lives of many just because one miko liked a hanyou better than you!"

Naraku: "For your information, I only ruined the lives of two people because of that little incident."

Sairen: *skeptical* "So everything else was just random."

Naraku: *wavers hand* "Meh…"

Mitsuno: *still staring at The Ring* "Um…guys…you might wanna watch this! I think Yue's about to go all out!"

*Sairen and Naraku stop arguing and look at The Ring just in time to see a bunch of giant vines burst out of the ground*

~~CRAAAAACKK~~ ~~CRAAAAACKK~~ ~~CRAAAAACKK~~ SCHWOOP! SCHWOOP! SCHWOOP! (ETC, ETC…)

Sesshoumaru: *has been watching each vine as it comes up* "Hmm." 

Yue: "What? No last words? Might as well go for it, since it will be difficult to talk while being strangled."

*Sesshoumaru smiles and--wait. Sesshoumaru's SMILING?!*

Inuyasha: *sing-song voice* "Someone's gonna die…."

Kagome: "Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha: "What? You know what happens when he smiles! I almost feel kinda sorry for the other guy!"

*without any expression of his own, Yue unleashes the giant vines on Sesshoumaru, which have developed razor sharp pointy ends. He manages to dance out of the way of most of them; while he rips one of them apart, he gets grazed by another from behind*

Sesshoumaru: *growls a little, holding his upper left arm*

Mitsuno: "Uh, oh! He's been hit!"

Yue: "Aw…too bad. I guess this fight's going to be over soon. Those are poison vines, you know."

*Sesshoumaru says nothing, yet his grin is absolutely feral.* 

Sairen: "Now THAT'S the kind of grin someone wears before doing something totally unkosher. What does Sesshoumaru have up his sleeve?"

Naraku: *a bit nervous, but even more curious* "I do not know…but something tells me he might get another foul before long!"

Sesshoumaru: "You really are the embodiment of the blond stereotype, Yue."

Yue: *raises an eyebrow* "Oh?"

Sesshoumaru: "Did you really think you could kill ME with poison?"

Yue: *frowns and thinks* 'Crap. I forgot his immunity. I guess I'll just have to squeeze the life out of him, though it will take a little longer.'

*the vines suddenly move in at a faster speed than before. This time, though, Sesshoumaru attacks all of them at once*

Sesshoumaru: "D O K K A S U ! ! !" (poison flower attack. I hope.)

*his own poison melts through some of the vines. With two more attacks, he gets rid of the rest*

Naraku: "Nicely done, Sesshoumaru."

Mitsuno: "The question is, what happens next? Sesshoumaru has managed to defend against all of Yue's attacks and even get two of his own in!"

Sairen: "I'm not sure if pantsing your opponent counts as an attack, Mits."

Mitsuno: "Well, one and a half, then! The point is, Sesshoumaru just might win this one!"

Naraku: *catches a glint off of something forming behind Yue's back* "Or not. Watch very closely…"

*Sairen and Mitsuno also look*

Sairen: "Ouch. That will leave a mark if it hits its target."

*Sesshoumaru draws his sword. Yue twirls his own blades*

Sesshoumaru: "Shall we?"

Yue: *shrugs* "Ladies first."

*in the audience*

Tori: "Wow. Is he always this mean? it's hard to believe he and Julien are the same person."

Sakura: "He's a bit cold at times, but I've never seen him like this!"

Kero: "Yeah, me, neither. I think Clow might have overlooked something and made him bipolar."

*everyone looks at Clow Reed, who frowns in return*

Clow: "No, Cerberus, Yue is no more bipolar than you are. He does surprise me at times, though. I did not think he would even go through with this…" *he pauses, seeing what's behind Yue's back* "…or pull a trick as nasty as the one coming up!"

*Sesshoumaru and Yue run at each other; the former leaps and attacks with Tensuaiga. Yue ducks and rolls out of the way. And remember that big shiny thing behind his back? That was the larger of one of his killer crystals, with a few more skinner ones next to it. None of them duck and roll out of the way like Yue did, and all are the same color as Tensuaiga's energy. Sesshoumaru notices the diamonds too little too late.*

Sesshoumaru: *sees crystals coming towards him and knows he can't move in time* "Oh, sh--!"

*a rather interesting sound acts as the censor instead of Rashim as Yue's hidden attack skewers him and knocks him out of The Ring*

Sairen: "O, wow! Look at him go!"

Mitsuno: "Yue's counter attack came so fast that it's throwing Sesshoumaru all the way back towards the audience section--"

THWACK!

"--and pinning him to the wall!"

Naraku: *watches as he begins to bleed* "That will be a mess to clean up."

Dairen: *sniff, sniff* "I smell blood…"

Saiyan: *stomach growls* "I told you we should have grabbed someone on the way over…"

Sairen: *overhears* "Don't you guys go on a lunch break now, either! We don't need any lawsuits!"

Dairen: *sulking* "Well, it's a little hard to sue someone when you're dead, Sairen…"

*in The Ring*

Saturn: "Hmn. Interesting attack, Yue. One…two…three…"

Yue: "It should take him a while to get those out, if he ever does. Even then, he might not make it back into The Ring in time!" *adds silently* '_and if he does, he'll probably bleed to death before he can do anything else of worth_.'

*Sesshoumaru struggles to drag out the largest of the crystals, but to no avail*

Sairen: *heard everything Yue said, including his thoughts* "Holy ::cow pie::! Yue's a friggen BEAST!" *sends a side-glare to Rashim for censoring her*

Sesshoumaru: *stops struggling and gives an ironic smile* "…is he, now?"

Saturn: "…five…six…"

Mitsuno: "Tell me about it. He's pinned with at least six of those!"

Inuyasha: *resentful* "Man. I wanted to defeat Sesshoumaru!"

Miroku: "Well, you could always argue with Yue over it, and maybe he'll go easier on him."

Inuyasha: *glances from Yue to Sesshoumaru, who's still stuck to the far wall* "…that's quite all right, Miroku." *turns back around* "Wait. Why is my brother smiling again?"

*he soon finds out. Sesshoumaru's eyes turn a bright red as he begins to radiate with youkai energy of the same color*

Saturn: "…eight…nine…"

Yue: *senses a massive raise in energy before he sees it* "What the hell…?"

Sairen: *notices Sesshoumaru as well* "Man, oh, man, is this a battle or is this a battle?"

*all audience members in the section in front of the inu begin screaming and scattering while the sound of rearranging bones and shattering crystals can be heard in the background. Soon after, a giant, pissed off gray-blue monster is standing in the rubble from the somewhat smaller section it managed to crush*

Mitsuno: "For everyone who's too busy running for their lives to look, Sesshoumaru has transforming into his overly large not-so-cuddly dog form!"

Saturn: "…ten…eleven…" *stops counting with a gasp*

Yue: *slightly annoyed* "Why did you stop counting?"

Saturn: "You might wish to move, Yue." *without further explanation, she jumps over to The Box, which is a fairly good distance out of the way*

Mitsuno: "Hey! What are you doing, Hotaru? You could have finished the--"

*a snarl cuts her off, followed by a very loud exhale, followed by--*

CRASH! ~SSSSSSSSS~

******************************************************************************

wait--what the hell just happened? why did it just end there? 

i'll tell you what the hell just happened: i'm on page 21 of this thing! i'm splitting this Round up so it can actually fit on Fanfiction.net and not give me a corrupt file or something. i know everyone's been waiting a while for this, and all of a sudden DarkFlame's gonna draw it out even longer. well, not _that_ much longer--i have a few more pages of this written already. That's when i looked at the page number and said, "WTF? ok, the end of this Round's gonna be a separate entry for the sake of decency."

and trust me, it will be worth the extra entry. until i finish and post it, lemme know if this part was worth the wait--comments and criticism both welcome. no flames, though: the arena already got burned down once -_-;;


End file.
